{"id":162,"date":"2019-04-09T00:35:35","date_gmt":"2019-04-09T00:35:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/english.illinoisstate.edu\/euphemism\/14-2\/?page_id=162"},"modified":"2019-04-11T19:28:26","modified_gmt":"2019-04-11T19:28:26","slug":"goddamnit-nelson","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/goddamnit-nelson\/","title":{"rendered":"Goddamnit\u00a0Nelson"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u00a0Charlie Tisch<\/span><\/p>\n

t<\/span>he school bus is waiting kids<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

pick up your\u00a0<\/span>oversized science project from the sidewalk<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>and don\u2019t hit me with it on
your way <\/span>to your seat<\/span>r<\/span>oger<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

goddamit<\/span>\u00a0nelson quit your goddamn loud\u00a0<\/span>swearing\u00a0<\/span>ass\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

where do these kids learn words like that I mean seriously he\u2019s\u00a0<\/span>six<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 s<\/span><\/i>even<\/span><\/i>\u00a0stops to go<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I swear if that boy lowers the window\u00a0<\/span>o<\/span>oo<\/span>n<\/span>n<\/span>e<\/span>ee<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>m<\/span>moo<\/span>or<\/span>re<\/span>e<\/span>\u00a0notch<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

samantha<\/span>\u00a0and\u00a0<\/span>jessica<\/span>\u00a0must have had a sleepover last night they still have pajama bottoms on<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

they chit chat up and down this bus about boys\u00a0<\/span>and they\u2019re halfway to sixteen<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 six<\/span><\/i>\u00a0stops to go<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

that nelson boy reminds me of a kid I knew growing up<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>last I saw him was in a motel lot outside of town<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>I heard his name on the news<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>shheeeesshh<\/span>!<\/span>\u00a0I hope none of the kids saw that<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>ah hell they don\u2019t know the rules of the road<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>they probably heard the horn though<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>why is there someone chasing the bus<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span> <\/i>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0six<\/span><\/i>\u00a0stops to go<\/span><\/i>\u00a0
<\/span>I should have gotten more sleep last night<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>oh<\/span>h<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I drove past\u00a0<\/span>billy<\/span>\u00a0and\u00a0<\/span>bo\u2019s<\/span>\u00a0stop<\/span>whoops<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>that must\u00a0<\/span>be<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>their<\/span>\u00a0mom<\/span>\u00a0trying to flag me down<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>I\u00a0<\/span>bet<\/span>\u00a0she\u00a0<\/span>goes on<\/span>\u00a0afternoon\u00a0<\/span>runs\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>I mean l<\/span>ook at that<\/span>\u00a0body<\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0bounce <\/span>bounce<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>s<\/span>he looks\u00a0<\/span>a little\u00a0<\/span>upset<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>it\u2019s okay though, I\u2019m a<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>verrry<\/span>\u00a0approachab<\/span>l<\/span>e<\/span>\u00a0guy<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 five stops to go<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I wonder if the top of my bus is white or yellow<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>somebody once told me UPS trucks don\u2019t have brown tops<\/span>\u00a0to save money on paint<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>why does this guy still have his blinker on<\/span>?<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>people are idiots<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>I never remember this\u00a0<\/span>brown hair\u00a0<\/span>girl\u2019s name<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>she sits near hope normally<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>not today though I wonder if they<\/span>\u2019<\/span>re having a fight<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>but\u00a0<\/span>what do little girls fight about<\/span>?<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span> boys? wait, they\u2019re five<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0four<\/span><\/i>\u00a0stops to go<\/span><\/i>\u00a0
<\/span>I\u00a0<\/span>disagree\u00a0<\/span>with our rule to open<\/span>\u00a0the doors at train crossings<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>I mean,\u00a0<\/span>what\u2019s the point?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u00a0<\/span>could totally\u00a0<\/span>jump a motorcycle over th<\/span>is<\/span>\u00a0moving train<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>straddle the\u00a0<\/span>ducati<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>I don\u2019t have\u00a0<\/span>and get it up to 75mph and I\u2019m\u00a0<\/span>flyin<\/span>\u00a0over that thing<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>how does adrenaline\u00a0<\/span>work<\/span>?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

are you\u00a0<\/span>kid<\/span>dddddd<\/span>ding<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>me<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

what could they possibly be carrying at 7:38 in the\u00a0<\/span>morning<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>cows? or like millions of boxes of\u00a0<\/span>cheetos<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u2013<\/span>\u00a0probably<\/span>\u00a0not<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>one could only dream<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

fi<\/span>iiiiii<\/span>nally<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>I\u2019m free<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>okay dumb car behind me I\u2019m moving lay off your\u00a0<\/span>fucking\u00a0<\/span>horn<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>why are you still honking at me<\/span>?<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>if I were in my\u00a0<\/span>97\u00a0<\/span>honda<\/span>\u00a0civic I\u2019d pull right beside and give\u00a0<\/span>em<\/span>\u00a0the bird<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>probably throw some coins at their windshield too \u2013 my horn doesn\u2019t work<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>oh<\/span>\u00a0for fucks sake\u00a0<\/span>goddamnit<\/span>\u00a0nelson<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>no one\u00a0<\/span>besides your mother\u00a0<\/span>wants to see\u00a0<\/span>those pale<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>prepubescent\u00a0<\/span>buttcheeks<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>I won\u2019t report the kid though<\/span>. he\u2019s alright<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>this mirror never lies<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>this\u00a0<\/span>one here\u00a0<\/span>is a new stop for me<\/span>, got it last\u00a0<\/span>tuesday<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>watch your step kids<\/span>, don\u2019t want to fill out another incident report<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>three weeks\u00a0<\/span>ago<\/span>\u00a0little\u00a0<\/span>ol<\/span>\u2019 Jimmy sliced his ring finger open reaching for gum sticking under his seat<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>fricken<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>idiot<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 t<\/span><\/i>hree<\/span><\/i>\u00a0stops to go<\/span><\/i>\u00a0
<\/span>I never wore a seatbelt on the bus growing up<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>we would always make fun of the kids who did<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>look at this unconventional bag this\u00a0<\/span>kid\u2019s<\/span>\u00a0got<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>I wonder if\u00a0<\/span>he\u2019s\u00a0<\/span>ridiculed for bringing a briefcase to school<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>he can\u2019t be any older than nine<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 two<\/span><\/i>\u00a0stop<\/span><\/i>s<\/span><\/i>\u00a0to go<\/span><\/i>\u00a0
<\/span>this route\u00a0<\/span>doesn\u2019t make any sense<\/span>\u00a0to me<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>I\u2019ve picked up three new stops along this route this year and it blows<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>I have to wake up twenty-five minutes earlier each morning just to zig zag in stupid\u00a0<\/span>-like-\u00a0<\/span>zig zags<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>like,<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>my dude\u00a0<\/span>Freddy literally picks kids up two blocks from this stop on his route<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 speed bump!<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>yep\u00a0<\/span>most<\/span>\u00a0of these kids\u00a0<\/span>don\u2019t\u00a0<\/span>wear seatbelts either<\/span>,\u00a0<\/span>only roger<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>danny<\/span>\u00a0got pretty high on that one<\/span>, must have hit his head on the ceiling<\/span>, heard a bang<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>impressive<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>back spots are the best spots<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>little jimmy has been crying about his\u00a0<\/span>parent<\/span>\u2019<\/span>s\u00a0<\/span>divorce the last couple weeks<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>kid just won\u2019t get over it. marriage is a sham I keep telling him<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>\u201cIs your\u00a0<\/span>parent\u2019s\u00a0<\/span>divorce almost over?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span>next stop school<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAlright kids exit the same way you came in\u201d<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>\u201cDon\u2019t forget your lunches\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dumbass<\/span>es<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0Charlie Tisch the school bus is waiting kids\u00a0 pick up your\u00a0oversized science project from the sidewalk\u00a0and don\u2019t hit me with it onyour way to your seatroger\u00a0 goddamit\u00a0nelson quit your goddamn loud\u00a0swearing\u00a0ass\u00a0\u00a0 where do these kids learn words like that I mean seriously he\u2019s\u00a0six\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 seven\u00a0stops to go\u00a0 I swear if […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-162","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/162","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=162"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/162\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":329,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/162\/revisions\/329"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=162"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}