{"id":84,"date":"2019-04-09T00:21:20","date_gmt":"2019-04-09T00:21:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/english.illinoisstate.edu\/euphemism\/14-2\/?page_id=84"},"modified":"2019-04-11T20:51:18","modified_gmt":"2019-04-11T20:51:18","slug":"serendipity","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/serendipity\/","title":{"rendered":"Serendipity"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Rachel Seitz<\/h4>\n
\n
\n
When I wake at 7am in your studio apartment and you\u2019re still sleeping<\/div>\n
I can hear your heart beat<\/div>\n
Into my ear<\/div>\n
Resting against your chest<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
This is the most calm I\u2019ve ever felt your heart<\/div>\n
(when I\u2019ve been with you)<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
Is it me \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 or is it you \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 or is it both of us \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0and both of our expectations<\/div>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 and both of our insecurities \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 and both of our skepticism<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
Or is that just me?<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
Or is it your adoration\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0your affection\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 your emotional instability<\/div>\n
That makes your heart beat fast when you see me<\/div>\n
but not when you can\u2019t see me<\/span>?<\/div>\n
Maybe I just have that effect on you<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
Maybe the rose colored glasses you put on are your normal glasses<\/div>\n
and mine are just lackluster compared to the deep pink cashmere you see<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
I think I might be thinking into it too much but I also think I have to after you told me<\/div>\n
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 you loved me<\/div>\n
And I had to say no, \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0you don\u2019t love me<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
You love the idea of me<\/div>\n
you love the idea of being in love, but<\/div>\n
you don\u2019t love me<\/div>\n
And I think that\u2019s why when I wake before you<\/div>\n
in your studio apartment<\/div>\n
nowhere to go \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0nowhere to hide \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0nowhere to think that isn\u2019t visible<\/div>\n
to you<\/div>\n
I think that\u2019s why<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n
I can\u2019t help but cling to you\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 to the idea of you\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0to the idea of love<\/div>\n
but not to the idea of loving you<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
Not quite yet.<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
Because if I do that, if<\/div>\n
I let that shield down if I say:<\/div>\n
yes, I love you, I\u2019m in love<\/div>\n
with you<\/div>\n
I don\u2019t want to be in love with<\/div>\n
Anyone<\/em>.<\/div>\n
Else<\/em>.<\/div>\n
Ever<\/em>.<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
I\u2019m afraid that you will say the same thing<\/div>\n
And that we will be \u201chappy\u201d<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
But happy is fickle\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 happy LEAVES \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 happy doesn\u2019t stay for the 3am nights<\/div>\n
when you can\u2019t sleep\u00a0 \u00a0 when you\u2019re stressed \u00a0 \u00a0when you\u2019re sick\u00a0 when you\u2019re insecure<\/div>\n
when you\u2019ve been together so long that 3am \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 when you can predict<\/div>\n
when you\u2019ll leave to use the bathroom\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 and come back at precisely 3:02am<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
But I want it\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 I want to lay with you in your studio apartment<\/div>\n
at 11pm\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 at 3am\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0at 7am\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0at 4pm\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0at\u2014<\/div>\n
That\u2019s all I could ever ask for.<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
And I hope that when you ask for someone to love you<\/div>\n
you will do it in person\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 face-to-face\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 inches away<\/div>\n
with a smile on your face<\/div>\n
with your cheeks turning as rosy as those glasses that have been embedded in your eyes<\/div>\n
I hope that you will see
\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 everything<\/div>\n
in such a way that makes you \u201chappy\u201d<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
Though I guess it would be better to say a way that makes you whole that completes you that complements you\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 and compliments you<\/div>\n
\u00a0<\/div>\n
and fights you \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0and disagrees with you \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 and holds your hands when you drive<\/div>\n
and squeezes your fingers when you stop too fast\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0and\u2014<\/div>\n
I hope you get that for you.<\/div>\n
And I hope I get that for you, too.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rachel Seitz When I wake at 7am in your studio apartment and you\u2019re still sleeping I can hear your heart beat Into my ear Resting against your chest \u00a0 This is the most calm I\u2019ve ever felt your heart (when I\u2019ve been with you) \u00a0 Is it me \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 or is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-84","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/84","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=84"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/84\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":363,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/84\/revisions\/363"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/14-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=84"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}