it was about 8:40 when\u00a0i\u00a0got on the train to go home<\/span>\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Nick Roberts it was about 8:40 when\u00a0i\u00a0got on the train to go home\u00a0it was about 8:44 when my phone died & about 8:45 when\u00a0\u00a0i\u00a0looked outside to see the tracks flying by\u00a0i\u00a0sat with my feet up on the seat knees tucked in head leaned back on the\u00a0\u00a0stiff blue seat a\u00a0\u00a0kid & his parents played\u00a0\u00a0it was Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"template-full-width.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-110","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/15-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/110","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/15-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/15-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/15-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/33"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/15-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=110"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/15-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/110\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":569,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/15-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/110\/revisions\/569"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/15-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=110"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
<\/span>it was about 8:44 when my phone died & about 8:45 when\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>i\u00a0looked outside to see the tracks flying by<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>i\u00a0sat with my feet up on the seat knees tucked in head leaned back on the\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>stiff blue seat a\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>kid & his parents played\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>it was about 8:46 when\u00a0i\u00a0realized that when\u00a0i\u00a0got home\u00a0i\u00a0had to wipe off my glitter<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>it was about 8:47 when\u00a0i\u00a0realized that when\u00a0i\u00a0got home\u00a0i\u00a0had to change shorts<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>button my shirt wash off my eye shadow & the two giant rainbows painted across my cheeks like a\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>bob ross painting but instead of a lanky hippie with an afro my artist was a <\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>middle aged white woman that asked me for a dollar for her version of a van\u00a0gogh<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>it was about 2:00 when it started raining that day\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>we got to the city late higher than the storm clouds above us & watched the parade outside a\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>packed\u00a0chicago\u00a0subway shop\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>i\u00a0stood there with my friends short shorts rhinestones rainbow socks backwards hat looking like a\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>stereotypical\u00a0grindr\u00a0twink\u00a0until the parade was over\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>we walked around the city till it got dark & it was time to go home<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>but<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>something changed as\u00a0i\u00a0got on that train car<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>it was about 8:47 when\u00a0i\u00a0realized that\u00a0i\u00a0was going home<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>going home meant going home to small town living no rainbows no 80\u2019s pop music no\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>drag queens no busy streets no pride no other gays no pride no pride no being proud of who\u00a0i\u00a0am<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>where\u00a0i\u00a0was what\u00a0i\u00a0was doing what\u00a0i\u00a0was wearing what\u00a0i\u00a0was smoking what\u00a0i\u00a0was saying nothing going<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>home meant typing this poem going home meant sitting in bed in my sweats messaging boys that would never message back going<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>home meant going to work going home meant hiding this again even though\u00a0i\u2019m\u00a0out because<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>being at home means not being me & at 9:01 a single tear squeezed itself from my eye because all\u00a0i\u00a0could think about was the social & literal suicide\u00a0i\u00a0thought about at all times in the back of my mind so that\u2019s why\u00a0i\u00a0cried that\u2019s why\u00a0i\u00a0died a little inside that\u2019s why\u00a0i\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>it was about 11:00 when\u00a0i\u00a0got home<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>it was about 11:05 when\u00a0i\u00a0took the makeup wipes & washed off the red orange yellow green blue & purple from my cheeks peeled off the stickers & got into bed<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>it was about 11:59 when\u00a0i\u00a0fell asleep<\/span>\u00a0
<\/span>it was about 12:00 am when\u00a0i\u00a0stopped being me<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n