alarm <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Nick Roberts (CONTENT WARNING: MENTAL HEALTH\/HOSPTIALS\/BLOOD\/SUICIDE)\u00a0 alarmrapid response team to 225clickslitspit up the blood from your cheek and throatarms scarred with razor bites theirteeth gnashing and latching on justwakesleepwakealarmflashback the straps in theambulance and trying to notcry but wanting todie all thewhile-breathi watched a man have a seizure today limit your food and\u00a0please your… <\/p>\n
rapid response team to 225
click
slit
spit
up the blood from your cheek
and throat
arms scarred with razor bites their
teeth gnashing and latching on just
wake
sleep
wake
alarm
flashback the straps in the
ambulance and trying to not
cry but wanting to
die all the
while
-breath
i watched a man have a seizure today
limit your food and\u00a0
please your professors and
fake it till you crack i think
my roommate is addicted to that stuff
im the youngest one here and im\u00a0
dripping with fear and
shut up youre fine and
swallow your pill but
-pause
what am i supposed to feel while\u00a0
i sit behind the wheel and blackout and
drive and die and\u00a0
alarm
do your hair and stop and stare at\u00a0
the reflection youve learned to love to\u00a0
hate
just one more time just do it and not
not cry just force lunch back up
dont eat dont sleep
dont wait yes step
in front of that car and end near\u00a0
and far
limbs scattered in a fucking mural (sigh)
its beautiful
poke and prod me and skewer and saw me into
your perfect goddamn image
\u201cthe lord made you just the way he wanted\u201d
i need some sort of angel to
sweep me up from this place because
the man down the hall believes he is satan
why cant i see eyes
covered with cloth and
linen and
tape
(scream)
im sorry
(scream)
youre sorry please
tuck me into bed just
fuck me because after all you said
that everything is going to be okay
im tired
i hope they dont take this page
from me
ive wrote written wrote written this down
a hundred different times
im wearing your sweater your navy sweater your sweater thats
too big\u00a0
some guy just offered me adderall but\u00a0
all i smell is the aerosol that\u00a0
my mom used to spray all around the house\u00a0
i see the dogs and i see the corn and
i see the cottonwood tree\u00a0
i feel the breeze and i feel the
heat and i feel i really feel me
the country sunsets make me smile\u00a0
and i race down the supermarket aisles with my
sister
and
mom
and all the while i
i didnt mean for this to rhyme
my psychiatrist says im young and should
travel the world but all i want to do is lay in bed and
sleep or\u00a0
not or
sleep white sheets yellow blanket
tan curtains grey rug green couch white
walls four walls four walls four\u00a0
caving in just spare me from this sin
or is it
just kiss me one more time\u00a0
just hold me
tigh-
er
too tight
i cant breathe im lying laying lying lying\u00a0
on the floor next to the door
and youre petting my hair\u00a0telling<\/em>\u00a0me to
breathe
(sharp breath)
my mind is
racing round i cant hear a sound
just tuck me into bed just fuck me yet again fuck the
thoughts in my head fuck yes fuck the
(pause)
have\u00a0you<\/em>\u00a0ever seen a man dead
(2018 add on)
im tired im
so fucking tired tired of\u00a0
early morning screams the steam from my
coffee burnt me today i prayed that
i would die today but here i am still fucking alive i\u00a0tried\u00a0<\/em>to die but
all i did was cry its hard im\u00a0
tired
my chest is a honeycomb full of bees
each morning i dig into her with my rusty spoon & spit up
red and yellow\u00a0
it tastes like cough syrup almost sickening too thick too
artificial so i dig deeper trying to find the\u00a0
golden crisp center\u00a0
in doing so my ribs have to shatter like tiffany so
fragile splintering into shards puncturing my\u00a0
kidneys but it\u2019s fine it\u2019ll all be worth it in the end a for\u00a0
effort b for participation because although it is rewarding it fucking hurts but you do it
anyways keep going dig deeper you can do it! good job just don\u2019t throw up again
my head is a volcano about to erupt
can this place end abrupt-
ly so i can spew this ash all over the ground
just say that ill be okay
(breath)
just say that ill be okay as i\u00a0
lay lie lay lie here\u00a0
on hospital sheets whiter than that
of\u00a0
pompeii<\/p>\n\n\n\n