this textbook will not forgive you
when i was young
before i had keys to my house
i hit my brother.
and when he shrieked in pain
i knew right away to stop.
it wasn’t something someone told me;
it was a sinking gut feeling.
my upbringing told me
to fall on your knees and pray
to use your manners and to be polite
to stand up when others are hurting–
but it never told me not to run at night
or to not reach into my pockets
so that they don’t lose sight of my hands.
anxiety holds me so close it might get on one knee and propose soon
but i have never known that fear.
and i frankly don’t care about the tallies and bullet points
that “he did x because he feared for his life”
because if you have the audacity
to kneel, not in prayer, but on someone’s neck
to ignore your brother as he cried in pain with what little breath he had
to shove away that sinking feeling and the manners pounded into you–
If This Looks Like Manners To You–
you are the villain in this textbook.
your predecessors will not hesitate to denounce you.
and if they don’t curse your name under their tongue,
don’t hate the feeling of it’s syllables on their lips,
history
will repeat again
until they do.