{"id":293,"date":"2020-11-18T01:26:21","date_gmt":"2020-11-18T01:26:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/english.illinoisstate.edu\/euphemism\/16-1\/?page_id=293"},"modified":"2020-11-20T02:42:13","modified_gmt":"2020-11-20T02:42:13","slug":"pretty-for-a-tinder-chick","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/poetry\/pretty-for-a-tinder-chick\/","title":{"rendered":"pretty (for a tinder chick)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

pretty (for a tinder chick)\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

dude\u00a0
what the fuck is your problem???\u00a0
you\u2019re on a dating app to speak to\u00a0\u00a0
\u201chot singles in your area\u201d,\u00a0
collegiate chicks conditioned\u00a0\u00a0
to thinking their only worth is\u00a0
how well they move on a mattress.\u00a0
you signed your name,\u00a0
unchecked the box that said\u00a0\u00a0
i\u00a0would like to receive email notifications\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0
of future updates and newsletters!<\/em>\u00a0
and\u00a0digged\u00a0through your camera roll\u00a0
to post pictures of you and\u00a0\u00a0
\u201cTHA BOYZ :P!!!!!\u201d\u00a0
drippin\u00a0in \u201cfinesse\u201d at prom.\u00a0\u00a0
(prom. you\u2019re 21 fucking years old.\u00a0\u00a0
you do NOT\u00a0 look the same as you did\u00a0\u00a0
in high school. can we PLEASE\u00a0\u00a0
make it more socially acceptable for men\u00a0\u00a0
to take pictures of themselves\u00a0
so that\u00a0i\u00a0don\u2019t have to get catfished by a\u00a0\u00a0
four year old picture?? thanks.)\u00a0
you.\u00a0
joined. a. dating. app.\u00a0
a hookup, hit it \u2018n\u2019 quit it,\u00a0
sex-frenzied, one-track-minded,\u00a0
\u201cthey only want one thing\u201d,\u00a0
sex. app.\u00a0\u00a0
to what?\u00a0
to talk down\u2026 to\u00a0me<\/em>?\u00a0\u00a0
who\u00a0\u00a0
you\u00a0\u00a0
sought\u00a0\u00a0
out\u2026\u00a0
on a\u00a0dating app<\/em>?\u00a0
that you willingly posted\u00a0
a prom picture to???\u00a0
to come into my messages,\u00a0
to come into my mind and get me\u00a0
to come into your car\u00a0
and into your home\u00a0
and then what?\u00a0
to be upset that\u00a0i\u00a0know\u00a0i\u2019m\u00a0pretty?\u00a0
baby,\u00a0
no offense,\u00a0
i\u2019ve\u00a0heard it before.\u00a0
you are not the first man to tell me that.\u00a0
i\u00a0heard it\u00a0\u00a0
when\u00a0i\u00a0left roses down the aisle\u00a0\u00a0
of my cousin\u2019s wedding\u00a0\u00a0
as a kindergartner;\u00a0
when\u00a0i\u00a0waltzed into the dinner dance\u00a0
in my middle school gym\u00a0
as an eighth grader;\u00a0
as\u00a0i\u00a0stood in my prom dress\u00a0
at the side of my dying grandmother\u2019s hospice bed\u00a0
as an emotionally distraught eleventh grader;\u00a0
and as\u00a0i\u00a0was wearing a stranger\u2019s t-shirt\u00a0
trudging to the bathroom of a dorm\u00a0\u00a0
i\u00a0didn\u2019t even live in,\u00a0\u00a0
when\u00a0i\u00a0heard someone\u00a0\u00a0
high-five the stranger with an \u201calright!\u201d\u00a0
when they thought\u00a0i\u00a0was out of an ear-shot.\u00a0
yes,\u00a0i\u00a0know my worth\u00a0\u00a0
in a world where\u00a0i\u2019m\u00a0told it\u2019s with my hands\u00a0\u00a0
in some man\u2019s kitchen making him a sandwich.\u00a0\u00a0
and\u00a0i\u00a0am not sorry that\u00a0i\u00a0know it.\u00a0\u00a0
i\u00a0will not be sorry for looking myself in the mirror\u00a0
and admiring the journey\u00a0i\u2019ve\u00a0taken.\u00a0\u00a0
and\u00a0i\u00a0will not be manipulated into hearing,\u00a0\u00a0
\u201cyou probably know that though, right?\u00a0\u00a0
you think you\u2019re hot shit, is that what it is?\u201d\u00a0
when\u00a0i\u00a0don\u2019t say \u201cthank you\u201d\u00a0\u00a0
to each of the compliments you spew at me\u00a0\u00a0
every thirty seconds.\u00a0
i\u2019m\u00a0under your comforter!\u00a0\u00a0
you don\u2019t have to win me over with a half-assed\u00a0\u00a0
compliment\u00a0
and then be butthurt when\u00a0i\u00a0don\u2019t laud you\u00a0
for saying something halfway decent.\u00a0\u00a0
i\u2019m\u00a0not here to be told\u00a0i\u2019m\u00a0pretty.\u00a0
you don\u2019t assign me that.\u00a0\u00a0
i\u00a0was pretty\u00a0\u00a0
before\u00a0i\u00a0dropped the lanyard with attached pepper spray by your door\u00a0
and\u00a0i\u2019ll\u00a0sure as fuck be pretty\u00a0
when\u00a0i\u00a0leave your sorry ass in the bed you came in.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\npretty (for a tinder chick)\u00a0 dude\u00a0what the fuck is your problem???\u00a0you\u2019re on a dating app to speak to\u00a0\u00a0\u201chot singles in your area\u201d,\u00a0collegiate chicks conditioned\u00a0\u00a0to thinking their only worth is\u00a0how well they move on a mattress.\u00a0you signed your name,\u00a0unchecked the box…\n<\/div>\n
Continue reading “pretty (for a tinder chick)”<\/span>…<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":33,"featured_media":0,"parent":5,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"templates\/no-intro.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-293","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/33"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=293"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/293\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":404,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/293\/revisions\/404"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/5"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}