{"id":114,"date":"2021-03-29T16:59:18","date_gmt":"2021-03-29T16:59:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/english.illinoisstate.edu\/euphemism\/16-2\/?page_id=114"},"modified":"2021-04-28T19:40:22","modified_gmt":"2021-04-28T19:40:22","slug":"cause-i-cant-pretend-its-okay-when-its-not","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/cause-i-cant-pretend-its-okay-when-its-not\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018cause I can\u2019t pretend it\u2019s okay when it\u2019s not."},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n
Anonymous<\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\r\n

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The really awful part of loving someone, and loving someone that one, you can\u2019t have and two, you love so intensely and deeply is the process from removing yourself from that situation and getting over those feelings.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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I hate saying \u201cgetting over\u201d because loving someone is a feeling that never fully goes away. You can move one, but the love you had for this one person doesn\u2019t disappear entirely. Which has to be the most frustrating feeling.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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I\u2019m finding it hard to articulate the thoughts in my head as I\u2019m currently going through my own separation from a relationship that means the world to me. It\u2019s a separation of both my thoughts and emotions, and physically taking myself out the equation for sake of my own mental and emotional health.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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I feel this overwhelming need to be formal, and to sugar coat my feelings when I write about it, when I talk about it. Because it\u2019s so f*cking messy.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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I hate that my relationship with this person can\u2019t be perfect. That I can\u2019t get my own emotional sh*t together for our sake. I hate that the healing has come in waves.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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But there is the overwhelming fact that I like the emotion and the feelings that come with being with him. It only took me 5 years for my current therapist to tell me this: \u201cyou like the emotion\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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But there is more to it, I like the feelings and emotions that come with spending too much time with him. It adds fuel to the fire of all my lowest moments. The moments when I\u2019m bawling my eyes out to a Taylor Swift song. Spending time with him clouds my judgement, my thoughts, my \u201cwise-mind\u201d as my therapist would say.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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So here I am. building the much need bridge between him and I. a bridge that, no matter how many times I\u2019ve built it, is painful to build every f*cking time.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

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Understanding now that we are on very different wavelengths. And that no amount of talking about \u201cthe elephants in the room\u201d and you believing that \u201cwe\u2019re in a good place\u201d will replace this persistent and ugly feeling in my body that I can\u2019t avoid, the feeling that whispers, \u201cbut I\u2019m not okay.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Anonymous   The really awful part of loving someone, and loving someone that one, you can\u2019t have and two, you love so intensely and deeply is the process from removing yourself from that situation and getting over those feelings.\u00a0   I hate saying \u201cgetting over\u201d because loving someone is a feeling that never fully goes… Continue Reading \u2018cause I can\u2019t pretend it\u2019s okay when it\u2019s not.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":40,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-114","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/114","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/40"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=114"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/114\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":772,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/114\/revisions\/772"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=114"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}