{"id":344,"date":"2021-04-14T01:58:19","date_gmt":"2021-04-14T01:58:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/english.illinoisstate.edu\/euphemism\/16-2\/?page_id=344"},"modified":"2021-04-28T21:36:49","modified_gmt":"2021-04-28T21:36:49","slug":"short-people","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/short-people\/","title":{"rendered":"Short People"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n
Evan Craig<\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Randy Newman once sang, \u201cshort people got no reason to live.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I\u2019d hate to argue with you Randy, but short people do have a reason to live,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

That reason being to take advantage of tall people.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Think about it,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Can you honestly tell me that every short person can\u2019t reach an item on the top shelf at the grocery store?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Just jump higher!<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll get there eventually.<\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

They do nothing but lurk around like mice near their item of choice.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Waiting for assistance from a person of great stature,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Where that person will hopefully,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Retrieve that item and most importantly, feel their sympathy.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Boo-hoo,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I\u2019m too short,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Please feel sorry for me as you help reach for those generic Oreos on the top shelf.<\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

First off, get real Oreos, those are better.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Second, we aren\u2019t actually helping you reach anything.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

We\u2019re not grabbing you by the arms and telling you to reach for the sky.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

We\u2019re just grabbing that item off the top shelf for you.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

No strings attached.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And usually doesn\u2019t come with much of a thank you either.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

C\u2019mon short stacks, us giants could\u2019ve pulled a bicep muscle!<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Whatever,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I guess it\u2019s too tall an ask to expect you shorties to hear my rant from all the way up here.<\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Don\u2019t even get me started on their constant whining.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

There\u2019s reason number two Randy.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

They whine by saying,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I can\u2019t keep up,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

You walk too fast,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Can\u2019t you slow down?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Or you could pick up your stubby little feet and get a move on.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

It can\u2019t be all that challenging.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Pardon me, I didn\u2019t mean to look down on you,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Oops.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Sorry, those tasteless remarks tend to slip out now and then.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

It was never my intention to make you feel small.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Well, fool me twice.<\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Then I hear them say,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I wish I were as tall as you.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

No you don\u2019t,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

You shrimps have it easy.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

You\u2019re always able to blend into the crowd,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Since you\u2019re so puny, no one notices you.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Us tall drinks of water stick out like sore thumbs.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

We always receive the brunt of the blame,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Because we can\u2019t fit into mouse holes to avoid trouble like you.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Bigger shoe sizes doesn\u2019t exactly come with greater coordination you know.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And we\u2019re always alone at the grocery store,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Since bottom shelves aren\u2019t exactly built at our leisure.<\/p>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Despite all I\u2019ve said,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Short people are the same as you and I.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

It\u2019s time to set aside our differences,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And get through this little journey called life,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Together.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Let\u2019s prove Randy wrong and show that short people do indeed have a reason to live.<\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Evan Craig   Randy Newman once sang, \u201cshort people got no reason to live.\u201d I\u2019d hate to argue with you Randy, but short people do have a reason to live, That reason being to take advantage of tall people. Think about it, Can you honestly tell me that every short person can\u2019t reach an item… Continue Reading Short People<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-344","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/344","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=344"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/344\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":879,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/344\/revisions\/879"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=344"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}