{"id":346,"date":"2021-04-14T02:03:31","date_gmt":"2021-04-14T02:03:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/english.illinoisstate.edu\/euphemism\/16-2\/?page_id=346"},"modified":"2021-04-28T23:53:44","modified_gmt":"2021-04-28T23:53:44","slug":"the-beginners-guide-to-surviving-a-rollercoaster","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/the-beginners-guide-to-surviving-a-rollercoaster\/","title":{"rendered":"The Beginner&#8217;s Guide to Surviving a Rollercoaster"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 12pt\">Evan Craig<\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\r\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step One: Wipe off your sweaty palms.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Two: Stare up and marvel at the vast height of the behemoth you\u2019re about to embark on.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Repeat Step One.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Three: Hear screams of the riders overhead and misinterpret them as shrieks of horror.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Four: See if ride goes upside down or does loop-de-loops at any point.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If so, repeat Step One.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Five: See if the drop height will make you long for the sweet release of death.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If so, Repeat Step One.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Six: Study where the emergency exits are in the likely event you decide to wimp out.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Seven: Pray that Jesus will take the wheel in case this ride goes south.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If not religious, bummer dude.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Eight: Ask a nearby ride operator when the ride was last safety-inspected.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If no answer or they appear stoned out of their mind, run like the wind.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Nine: Step onto the ride.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>No turning back now sucker.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Ten: Put on safety equipment and quadruple check it.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Repeat Step One.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Eleven: Hold on to something for dear life.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>A neighbor\u2019s hand is welcome but repeat Step One first.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Twelve: As the ride dramatically trudges upwards, just remember it\u2019s not the fall that kills you but merely the sudden stop at the end.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Thirteen: Never look off to the dwarfed world below.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If you do, repeat Step One..<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Fourteen: Gaze upon the monstrous drop and begin rethinking all your life choices.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Start crying and maybe start squeezing your neighbor\u2019s hand tighter.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Fifteen: As the ride drops you, keep screaming to a minimum to avoid unwanted visitors flying around.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Sixteen: Fake a smile for the camera taking your picture.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Think of it like getting nothing but socks for Christmas\u2026again.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Seventeen: Wake up from your blackout session after realizing the ride is over.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Search for a trash can in case your lunch refuses to stay down.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Eighteen: Kiss the sweet, sun-kissed concrete upon exiting the ride.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Watch out for ABC gum while doing this.<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Nineteen: A change in underpants will be necessary as will several years of therapy down the road.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>But hey, what are gift shops for?<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Step Twenty: Screw up the courage to do it all over again.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>If not, maybe a kiddie coaster will be a better change of pace for you.<\/em><\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Evan Craig &nbsp; Step One: Wipe off your sweaty palms. Step Two: Stare up and marvel at the vast height of the behemoth you\u2019re about to embark on. Repeat Step One. Step Three: Hear screams of the riders overhead and misinterpret them as shrieks of horror. Step Four: See if ride goes upside down or&hellip; <a class=\"continue\" href=\"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/the-beginners-guide-to-surviving-a-rollercoaster\/\">Continue Reading The Beginner&#8217;s Guide to Surviving a Rollercoaster<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-346","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/346","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=346"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/346\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":897,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/346\/revisions\/897"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}