{"id":397,"date":"2021-04-14T04:15:24","date_gmt":"2021-04-14T04:15:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/english.illinoisstate.edu\/euphemism\/16-2\/?page_id=397"},"modified":"2021-04-28T20:32:02","modified_gmt":"2021-04-28T20:32:02","slug":"electric-typewriter","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/electric-typewriter\/","title":{"rendered":"ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n
John Tustin<\/span><\/strong><\/h5>\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I began to write poetry during the brief age<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Of the electric typewriter.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I always had a pressed-in callus<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

On the side of the middle finger of my left hand<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Due to not holding a pencil or pen properly<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Ever since I could remember<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And around the age of eighteen<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I was writing so much that my hand<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Could not keep up<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

With my mind.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Notebook after notebook filled with the tiny words.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I sat down one night<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

At the dining room table with my mother\u2019s electric typer<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And I taught myself to type,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Writing poem after poem,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Hour upon hour<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Until the sun woke up<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And implored me to do something else<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Until night fell again.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Being self-taught,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I type improperly to this day<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Just as I could never correctly hold a pen.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Unteachable me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I taught myself to write, too.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

It came from nowhere.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

It came from nowhere, those nascent rhymy poems<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Like bubblegum pop without the hook.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Layer upon layer on endless pages,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The spigot turned on at fourteen and it took a woman<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

With the soul of a jackal to turn it off twelve years later.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

For a decade, at least.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Then eighteen years old,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Failing at every turn<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

As I balanced a girlfriend who didn\u2019t want to be my girlfriend<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And friends who were less than friendly<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

When my back was turned<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I typed it all out on fabulous naked pages<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Slowly scrawled to hatchmarks of blackness.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

In time she was gone.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Slowly, I withdrew from most of them.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

They did not complain.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I reminisced about the times I misconstrued<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

So heartily<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And I wrote.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I wrote.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I moved into my own place and I spent day after day working the grind,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Night after night drinking,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Not drinking,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Talking to myself or silent,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

But always with the typewriter buzzing on my lap<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

As I hunched and punched the keys with abrupt and harried fingers,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Letting all of that poison seep out of my head<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And through my hands<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Onto sleeping pages come to life.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The poems are gone now, all of them, but I remember snippets.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I remember titles:<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

A Drunken Rant of a Letter<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Poem Full of Women<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I\u2019m a Bachelor<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Manic Depression<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Gypsy<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Anna\u2026.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cAnna<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Anna Banana<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

That\u2019s what I call her<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

With embarrassed laughter<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Voice trailing after<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Neck like a swan<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Eyes like the dawn<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Lips so discreet<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Must taste so sweet<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

If only they were offered up to me<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Naked as a sacrifice\u2026\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

All the words jumbled<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Tumbling out of me<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

In the heat and the beer-scotch haze<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And the solitude<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Of an inhibited youth.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Type it.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Tear it out.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Retype it.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Retype it again.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Add. Subtract. Like it was important to anyone<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

But me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I was insane.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I wrote more than I read and then I wrote<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

As much as I read<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And then I read so much<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I needed to find the time to write.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

All the while Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Tom Waits<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

On the Walkman<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And the clack clack clack of the keyboard<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

So like a train chugging to the next anonymous city.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Clack clack clack clack clack.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I hit the keys hard.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

They were rifleshots.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Steinbeck and Salinger<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Merged into Ginsberg<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And Whitman and then<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The Nirvana of Bukowski!<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I read Love is a Dog From Hell in one day<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And it helped create 500 poems of lust and travail.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I was opening my heart, I was letting my veins flow<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Bloody<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Along the pages<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

In a room alone, waiting for a phone to ring.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The phone would squat on the wall in silence.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

All the time,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Clack clack clack clack<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

As the phone laughed in<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The squalor of so many empty rooms<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

That sat silent<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Except for the mocking laughter<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And the<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Clack clack clack clack.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

A long-haired madman with the beard of Rasputin<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And the face of a delicate child.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I churned out the pages,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Put them in a stack next to me on the sofa.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The snap of the paper being plucked from the cradle,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The snick snick snick of an empty piece being rolled up<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Like a bullet in an empty chamber.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Bang bang bang!<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I wrote them and then I read them over and over.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

When I was not working I was reading.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

When I was not reading I was reaching out<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

To the air.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

My words, my poems, they were my friends.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And Anne Sexton was my friend, John Fante was my friend,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Hemingway was my friend.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Bukowski and cummings were my friends.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I drank with them and wrote with them<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

As I awaited life to change.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The sun would set, the moon would rise,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The heat would release from the asphalt and then<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I would type all the shit I scribbled down while working,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Elaborating the plaintive cries<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Of a man who was a boy,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Wanting only to be wanted.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Night after night sweating naked with that typewriter my only friend:<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Brother my brother.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Churning the pages,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Piling them up.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Being me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I almost killed myself that summer<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

But then I found love for a little while<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And when combined with the words in my head –<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I had everything.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

For a little while,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

At least.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

She is gone now,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

But the words keep arriving,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Sometimes at the oddest times.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I welcome the words.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

 <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\u201cClack clack clack clack\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Is what I still hear in my head<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

When I sit in the dark<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

All alone<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

With my headphones on<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

And expel my peculiar poison<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Now<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

On a page<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

That is not really<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

A page;<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Expelled from a heart<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

That is otherwise<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Not worth a damn.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

The keyboard makes this little expeditious typing sound<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

But in my head \u2013<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Clack clack clack clack clack.<\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

John Tustin   I began to write poetry during the brief age Of the electric typewriter.   I always had a pressed-in callus On the side of the middle finger of my left hand Due to not holding a pencil or pen properly Ever since I could remember And around the age of eighteen I… Continue Reading ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":46,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-397","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/397","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/46"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=397"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/397\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":825,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/397\/revisions\/825"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/16-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}