Erin Jochum
I grew up with four older brothers, and one younger sister. I grew to the familiar advice of my dad telling me that no one is allowed to touch me without my consent. I remember hearing in the halls at nine-years-old that, the only reason a boy is mean to you is because he secretly likes you. I was told that as woman, I was to trust adults around me if something were to happen.
Parents,
Doctors,
Therapists,
Policemen.
As a young woman, I’m taught to walk across parking lots with my car key in between my clenched hands. just in case.
I’m told that in the event of an attack, to scream as loud as I can. To fight with every fiber of my being. Watching true crime shows, I learn to scratch the attacker in order to collect skin fragments under my nails. To gouge out the eyes with my thumbs, to kick in the areas that are most painful.
Walk in groups, never go out alone under the cover of night. Wear bright colors like a walking glow stick so others see you.
Don’t wear your hair in a ponytail or braids, something that attackers can easily grab a hold of.
Society says, “well it’s not all men”. They say, “My (insert husband, boyfriend, friend, son, uncle) could never do that”. Maybe not, but it’s enough.
I’m thinking of Sarah Everhard.
My heart is heavy thinking of the grief her family and friends are experiencing.
She did everything right. She wore bright clothing, was walking in a public area during the daytime. She did everything right and was violently attacked by a police officer. Someone in a position of power that should have protected her.
In recent weeks, I’ve seen a lot of unsettling and distressing rhetoric from men across social media. Either they stay silent on this issue, not recognizing the gravity of how important this is not just for women, but for them as well.
I’ve seen the more violent and mockery of some men. Men that fight back with a contradicting
“stop generalizing, it’s not all men.”
“all you women are the same, you all hate men”
“well she probably deserved it” “why didn’t she fight back”
“97% is a lie, girls just want attention”
we try.
we do.
but it’s never enough.