Emma Julian
I stay in bed a lot more these days
it’s like my brain is in a constant haze
I lie wondering if things do get better
because when my sister is sad, that’s what I tell her
I get in my head by the end of the night
though I can fall asleep in any light
nothing I do feels productive or right
and all my words are rearranged the same
I wish I could cheat on this life like a game
spending money makes me happy
sent into panic the next day
who ever thought life was fulfilling this way?
My brain is broken in all the ways of the word
my slender shoulders feel the weight of the world
my writing or lack thereof won’t change a single thing
yet my blue heart feels the eyes that sting
there is so much to worry about this time
money, love, pain, and truth
oh no that hurt doesn’t seem to rhyme
I am busy but feel no purpose at all
my mask of a smile begins to fall
yet chaos is peaceful, it means distraction to me
because alone time with only my own thoughts is much too scary
but I find myself crawling back into bed
in my warm covers and my favorite sweatshirt instead
of doing all the things I really wish to do
to dream about my future or dream about you.