Nothing today is going my way,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Once again, I\u2019m left here laying in my bed, not knowing what to say.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n My mind is always racing,<\/em><\/p>\n So many problems that aren\u2019t worth facing.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n My head aches,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Trying hard to forget all its mistakes.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Puffy eyes, fast beating heart,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I can\u2019t help but feel like everything is falling apart.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Relationships being torn to shreds,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n It\u2019s hard to be there for other people when I have so much going on in my own head.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Mom says I\u2019m selfish, dad thinks I\u2019m cruel,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Little do they know I\u2019m running on barely any fuel.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Motivation is hard to find,<\/em><\/p>\n It takes all my energy to keep myself in line.<\/em><\/p>\n Things I used to love to do,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I can barely get through.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Passions dissolving every day,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Feeling hopeless watching them fade away.<\/em><\/p>\n Trying to hold on to them as best I can,<\/em><\/p>\n Trying to be my number one fan.<\/em><\/p>\n But that feeling I used to get when I got an A or scored a basket or made a save,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n That feeling was all I used to crave.<\/em><\/p>\n But now, it doesn\u2019t mean anything to me,<\/em><\/p>\n How could this be?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I\u2019m searching for answers that deep down I don\u2019t want to find,<\/em><\/p>\n Because I know they\u2019ll just destroy my mind.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I know who I used to be, but that girl feels so far away,\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n It seems like she\u2019s completely strayed.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Kids around the world, struggling every day,<\/em><\/p>\n No school, no family, no food; withering away,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Yet, I have it all,<\/em><\/p>\n School, sports, an amazing family; someone always there to catch me when I fall.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n So why?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Why am I sad with this gift of a life?<\/em><\/p>\n Why do I feel like I will never suffice?<\/em><\/p>\n What is causing this gap in my heart?<\/em><\/p>\n Why does it feel like the world is falling apart?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n These answers I do not\u00a0know,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n And at this point, I\u2019m not sure where my life will go.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019ll do anything to take away the pain,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Even if it\u2019ll mean I wind up in chains.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I want to make it feel better, but I don\u2019t know how,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Getting fucked up is the only thing I can do for now.<\/em><\/p>\n I just want to light a blunt and go up to that place,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n That place where loneliness and pain have no face.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I want to make my mom smile,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I want to make my dad proud,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n But the voices in my head are just so motherfucking loud.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n My problem went from caring too much to not enough,<\/em><\/p>\n Finding a middle ground is unbelievably tough.<\/em><\/p>\n I wonder if it\u2019s like that for other people, or just me,<\/em><\/p>\n If only I could open my tired eyes wide enough to see,<\/em><\/p>\n I may realize that this isn\u2019t how it\u2019s supposed to be.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I have pretty eyes – but they’re always bloodshot,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I have a bright smile- but it doesn\u2019t appear a lot.<\/em><\/p>\n There\u2019s a voice telling me I\u2019m worth it deep down,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n But that voice can barely be heard by all the doubts loud sounds.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Teachers and parents and coaches love me, but can\u2019t they see?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n It\u2019s all just an act- that I can guarantee.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n I\u2019m starting to get out of character though- crying in class, having panic attacks in the bathroom, ditching school, mixing drugs,<\/em><\/p>\n What have I done?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It breaks my heart to see my mom crying over me, trying to fix me the best she can,<\/em><\/p>\n She\u2019s been with me through thick and thin, never ran.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n But I can\u2019t stop hurting her,<\/em><\/p>\n And all the good memories I have with her are beginning to blur.<\/em><\/p>\n My brother can\u2019t look at me, and my sister cries over the things I\u2019ve done,<\/em><\/p>\n I\u2019m tearing my family apart one by one.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n So, what now?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Or more so, how?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n How will I get this feeling to disappear?<\/em><\/p>\n How will I get that little voice telling me I\u2019m worth it to be the only one I hear?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n These answers I do not know,<\/em><\/p>\n And because of that, sometimes I think it\u2019d be better for me to just go.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n But then I stop and think, giving my best effort to ignore all the voices in my head,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n And I lay quietly in my bed.<\/em><\/p>\n The wind sings a calming song,<\/em><\/p>\n And the chimes ring, almost as if they\u2019re singing along.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n My mind settles for a single second and I can hear my heart beat,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n The heart that I thought had been accustomed to defeat.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Yet, it beat. And then it beat again, it kept on beating,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n And in that moment, I realized my heart is\u00a0still competing.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n It\u2019s never too late to change yourself,<\/em><\/p>\n But I know I\u2019m going to need a little help.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I don\u2019t know what my future holds, but if my heart is still beating there\u2019s some hope?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Kathleen Levins Nothing today is going my way,\u00a0 Once again, I\u2019m left here laying in my bed, not knowing what to say.\u00a0 My mind is always racing, So many problems that aren\u2019t worth facing.\u00a0 My head aches,\u00a0 Trying hard to forget all its mistakes.\u00a0 Puffy eyes, fast beating heart,\u00a0 I can\u2019t help but feel… <\/p>\n