Kayleen Haile

When you google the word “bisexual”
The pink, purple, and blue flag is what first shows up
Along with trendy info-graphics
And a surprising number of supermen

When you google the word “gay”
Pictures of two men laughing together show up
And weirdly enough, Chucky

When you google the word “transgender”
Photos of trans activist at marches show up
As well as the white, blue, and pink flag
Adorned on binders and posters

When you google the word “lesbian”
A picture of two women is first
But it is attached to an article titled:
“Lesbian relationships only exist because men find it a turn-on”

Somehow men have made the only sexuality
That doesn’t involve them about them

Because what is the point of a woman
If not for a man’s enjoyment

There is an automatic assumption
That if you are born a woman
Then you must be attracted to men
Attraction to men is as inevitable as death

And because of this,
I spent the majority of my life
Forcing myself to choose a crush on a boy
So I had a secret to reveal at slumber parties
Saying that I thought the latest teen male celebrity
“was like so hot” in their new movie

I watched Twilight and was confused at the obsession of
“Team Edward” vs. “Team Jacob”
Because I always thought Bella looked really pretty
And Alice was just like so cool
And wow Rosalie is just like such a badass
So when I was asked what team I was on
I replied “Team Edward”
Because my sister was in love with him
So it must be the right answer

 

So when I realized I liked girls
I thought I must be bi
Because well, I can’t possibly not like men
I thought I’ve always liked men

Little tip: if the only men you’ve “had a crush on” are:
Fictional or celebrities
You haven’t really had a crush on a guy before

So now at twenty years old
I still struggle to say that I’m a lesbian
Because when people think lesbian
They tend not to imagine the beautiful sunset pride flag and info-graphics
But straight girls drunkenly kissing each other at a party to make their boyfriends laugh

Because lesbians are a man’s greatest fantasy
They have to be doing this for male attention
Because what is the point of a woman if not belonging to a man?
What is the point of a lesbian if not for a fetish?