Some nights, I\u2019ll lie awake and think,<\/p>\n
I want to know what love is.<\/p>\n
Love, a concept essentially a Foreigner to me.<\/p>\n
Get it?<\/p>\n
Lines like that are likely why I\u2019m still single.<\/p>\n
Sorry, not single, self-partnered.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t get that confused with being a loner.<\/p>\n
Self-partnered is a creative way of committing to a positive relationship with yourself.<\/p>\n
Guess that means I\u2019ll have to break up with my left hand.<\/p>\n
My apologies, that was highly inappropriate,<\/p>\n
I’m actually right-handed.<\/p>\n
Given my relationship status, it\u2019s a struggle seeing all the couples around me,<\/p>\n
Seemingly rubbing their happiness in my face.<\/p>\n
I get it, you enjoy each others\u2019 lips.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re in luck, there might be a Jelly Belly flavor for that!<\/p>\n
They once had ear wax for God’s sake!<\/p>\n
I\u2019m craving a piece of what they\u2019re sharing,<\/p>\n
And I’m not just talking about their chocolate swirl cheesecake for two.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Don’t get me wrong, being self-partnered can have its perks.<\/p>\n
It’s date night with myself every night.<\/p>\n
I never have to worry about getting stood up,<\/p>\n
Or choosing the right thing to say that won\u2019t bore my date to tears.<\/p>\n
I always get to take myself home.<\/p>\n
(Which means the date must\u2019ve gone exceptionally well you complete studmuffin.)<\/p>\n
And best of all, I get to watch what I want to watch.<\/p>\n
Care for some Monday Night Football<\/em>?<\/p>\n Don’t mind if I do.<\/p>\n Sometimes, I think I might be the one.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Being self-partnered has its downfalls as well.<\/p>\n Going out to eat alone can be especially unsettling.<\/p>\n I\u2019ll catch the occasional dumbfounded glance in my direction,<\/p>\n Like I’m the main attraction at your local zoo.<\/p>\n Their thoughts probably along the lines of,<\/p>\n What a loser<\/em>,<\/p>\n Party of one…again?<\/p>\n I wonder if he knows he’s got ice cream running down his shirt?<\/p>\n Don’t just stand there you buffoon, fetch me a napkin.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re so perplexed by me, take a picture sweetheart, it’ll last longer.<\/p>\n Dish me out a new bowl of ice cream while you\u2019re at it.<\/p>\n FYI, I happen to wear my food like I just received the Medal of Freedom.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Anyways, it\u2019s not like I wanted another romantic date with myself.<\/p>\n You think I don\u2019t want to gaze into the eyes of someone other than my reflection?<\/p>\n Telling them I want to drown in the ocean of their blue eyes.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not as much fun exchanging longing glances while being self-partnered.<\/p>\n Telling myself I want to squish in the manure of my brown eyes doesn\u2019t have the same effect.<\/p>\n I wanna laugh over watching loners like myself spill ice cream down their front.<\/p>\n I want those long, romantic walks along the beach during the sunset.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not as much fun having them by yourself,<\/p>\n Plus, conversations with the Coast Guard get pretty awkward.<\/p>\n What I\u2019m trying to say is that I wanna feel what love is.<\/p>\n Part of which better involve scrubbing this fudge stain out of my shirt.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Eventually, I\u2019ll have to break up with myself.<\/p>\n I\u2019m used to rejection so that should be easy.<\/p>\n Being self-partnered has been great and all,<\/p>\n But, I want to know what love is.<\/p>\n True love with another person that is.<\/p>\n Also, not the biggest fan of dying alone.<\/p>\n Technically, don\u2019t we all die alone?<\/p>\n It would appear we have a morbid conversation starter for another time.<\/p>\n However,<\/p>\n \u201cWhen I die,<\/p>\n I want my tombstone to offer free Wi-Fi,<\/p>\n Just so people will visit more often.\u201d<\/p>\n Don\u2019t worry, I\u2019ll leave all the naughty websites unblocked,<\/p>\n Possibly open a coffee stand,<\/p>\n Call it Six Feet Under.<\/p>\n If that\u2019s not what love is,<\/p>\n I guess I don\u2019t know then.<\/p>\n Maybe you could show me,<\/p>\n Or maybe I\u2019ve gotta take a little time,<\/p>\n A little time to think things over…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Even Craig Some nights, I\u2019ll lie awake and think, I want to know what love is. Love, a concept essentially a Foreigner to me. Get it? Lines like that are likely why I\u2019m still single. Sorry, not single, self-partnered. Don\u2019t get that confused with being a loner. Self-partnered is a creative way of committing to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":58,"featured_media":0,"parent":17,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-84","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry","clear"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/17-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/84","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/17-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/17-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/17-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/58"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/17-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=84"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/17-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/84\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":649,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/17-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/84\/revisions\/649"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/17-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/17"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/17-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=84"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}