Benjamin Rodriguez
you must cry upon history, depending on chipped anguish
that branches out, sick with viridescence, red in the face,
falling again and again, never looking, but staring blankly
at an idea that bled with achievement, putting a smile on our faces,
Coming back to do it all again, we knew the gift of gab, recognized it
for what it was worth and that was our midnight glory
I knew those hands of yours created more space, I remember this nightmare
I had when I tried to hug you and you forgot your arms in outer space
we went for a swim, rather, you rose from the water by becoming steam
Our dream was to become water, to float forever through outer space
Instead, we were frozen away from each other, splintering,
broken from time to time, becoming cold for a moment
every key I press, every sentence held in my throat and choked, every
idea that starts talking and undresses me, making me wish I were invincible
and I can tell myself, you, that you don’t smile as much anymore, not that they had an idea of
how often I did, but that the world is stuck, has been stuck, and every human body is so
lonely that often one can lose themselves in a body, your body, my body, in space
Now that we are both here, sitting among empty gardens of thought, distant in grief
we finally have something in common again, that alone twists my face
Crooked, one-sided smile cracking across my face, rupturing the veins in my cheek and I must
be blushing for the first time since we found out how to be a “we” again, like you’ve always
known,my beloved sister of blood, of heaven, of the ground beneath my face erupting in
radiant life we’ve created a new space for you here, at the moment before I burst into tears,
every time I take a
Picture, when my mom smiles too long for my sake, in every word, every fractioned and fractured
sentence, there you are,
The inner peace I needed to keep “sane” chained to its desk,
and every other time I wish you were here