Julia Paschal
If I were to write a memoir, I think I like the working title of “A Million and One Bids for Attention, Affection, and ‘I Love You’s” because I think a lot of life boils down to how we ask for love and how we learn to show it.
As Jon Bellion sings, “What if who I hoped to be was always me? // And the love I fought to feel was always free? // What if all the things I’ve done // Were just attempts at earning love?…”
Now I have had some of the absolute best mentors, coaches, and cheerleaders in my life – people playing in the game with me, people running alongside the sidelines with me, and people redirecting me when I start heading to the wrong field goal…
But this is for my parents and the many ways they have shown love to me.
My mom and dad say they love me when–after I asked for some extra quarters from home to do laundry–they dig through their whole coin collection to bring me a (massive) gallon-size bag full of them.
My dad says he loves me when he learned the Starbucks language to order my favorite drinks.
My mom says she loves me when she hangs on for a couple seconds too long in a goodbye hug.
My mom and dad say they love me when they drive four hours on a random Tuesday night to watch me perform improv.
My dad says he loves me when he asks about the tire pressure of my car in the winter, the oil level in my car every couple of months, and how the car’s running whenever I make a visit home.
My mom says she loves me when she texts me gifs throughout the day [actually, my mom says she loves a lot of people that way].
My mom and dad say they love me by sending me a jumbo bear through the mail after a breakup.
My dad says he loves me when he leaves a voicemail and signs off with “papa bear”.
My mom says she loves me by having cookies and flowers delivered to my apartment. [I mean, it says it was from both of them… but we know ;^) ]
My mom and dad say they love me when they bring champagne and a big-head-cutout and a poster for people to sign as a way to celebrate the (big) little things.
I hold all of these ‘I love you’s close to my heart, just like I learned to do when someone blows a kiss – grab it and keep it close to your chest.
So I grab them. And try to remember them. They’ve shown me 101+ ways to say ‘I love you’. I’ve been listening, and I hope they’ve heard my ‘I love you, too’s.