Samantha Bath
It’s okay to be broken.
That’s what I told my best friend
While she was having a breakdown.
It’s okay to be broken,
Because no one was made to be perfect.
But when you’re broken,
Everything seems to hurt,
No matter how big or small the issue is.
What’s worse than being broken is to have been broken by the people that you care about.
They tell you things that they don’t think will effect you in any way personally.
They expect you to be perfect and to give yourself to everything that appears before you.
“Friends” and peers may tease you relentlessly, just ignore you, or never take you seriously.
After trying again and again to be the best person that you can be, you finally realize that you may never be enough.
Family, “friends” and other random people assume that you’re fine.
They take your silence as a sign that you’re okay.
But the truth is, you’ve never felt so lost and alone in your life.
How do you explain to those you care about that you’re not okay, but they’re part of the reason that you’re broken?
You can’t. Not without hurting them and tearing apart your relationships with them.
“Go and get help” people may say. But it’s not that easy. Because now you have trust issues and you either don’t open up at all to anyone or you end up over-sharing every portion of your life.
You don’t like telling people about your struggles. They’ll either think you are overreacting or not care enough to stay. Or it may be the complete opposite and they may try and admit you to a mental hospital.
So you just shove it deep down within yourself and you bottle it up. You keep the lid on as tight as you can.
You can’t cry in front of others because you’ll be seen as weak and vulnerable. Or maybe you’re an ugly crier and you don’t want them to see. Or, even worse, you’ll see the pity on their faces when they look at you and treat you differently because you’re “unstable”.
You have voices in your head that don’t ever seem to shut up and they argue every single TIME you break down.
“Why can’t you be like this? What is your problem? Get over it! So pathetic. Why are you sad right now? You have no reason to feel this way.” These are only a few things that they can say.
You yell at them to stop, but they never go away. You’d do anything to make them stop, but you can’t. Because you promised yourself you wouldn’t ever try to hurt yourself as a distraction. But even that is a hard promise to keep.
You can’t breathe, you can’t breathe, you can’t—
Calm.
Collect yourself. Your thoughts. Your feelings. Shove them down again and put the lid back on the jar. Turn off everything and let it go blank.
You’re fine.
You always are.