Leah B. Eben
Oh, my heart overwhelms me, my Lord.
All of my feelings infiltrate my brain to spar
to the death. Somehow, I find in a silent war that I start to panic.
With my hands raised to the ceiling and my tears falling to the floor, I find joy.
Letting the solute of fear settle for once. I sink
my knees to the ground, my head to my knees. You hold me.
People keep confiding their relationship struggles to me.
They build until I notice the burden on my shoulders, Lord.
Let the dark thoughts of abandonment be washed in the sink.
For in the darkness there is always a spark
that is, you. You are the essence of joy.
I understand that, yet my brain only lets me panic
And you let me panic.
For you know I will rest on you instead of me.
I will rely upon those around. They will join
in my prayers and point to the Lord.
They stop the spar-
ring in my ear as I let the thoughts settle and sink
But I cannot let myself sink
again, into the mind splitting body freezing panic
that I used to when my soul was too shattered to spar.
Please just give me
ways to rest and ways back to you Lord.
Only in you will I solidify my joy.
The joy
you give does not simply drain down the sink
It fills, floods, and spills out, effectively yet harmless, Lord.
So those around who feel panicked,
calm because of you through me
for right now they will not spar.
They will be like me a sparkle
Of light in the barren land fueled by your joy.
I am solid ice versus the vaporous gas that used to be me.
Yet with you I will not sink.
So, I do not plunge into panic,
in the future I will go to you, Lord.
May you calm ever present sense of joy let me not panic.
The spark of your life will help me not sink.
Oh Lord, I just pray for your presence near me