I don\u2019t think you will ever understand what it is to be a woman.\u00a0<\/span> There is an innate guilt in my existence.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n My lover does not understand it.<\/span> He does not understand what it means to fall apart at the seams in the same way I have before<\/span> I am full of the things my mother could never become<\/span> Who was she before being my mother?\u00a0<\/span> There is an innate guilt in my existence.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I am full of the vehemence of my father<\/span> How am I intended to love?\u00a0<\/span> And yet.\u00a0<\/span> To love.\u00a0<\/span> Her\u2026<\/span> There is no escape from what is imposed upon me.\u00a0<\/span> I don\u2019t think I do now<\/span> And that is what it is to be a woman.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Anonymous I don\u2019t think you will ever understand what it is to be a woman.\u00a0 There is an innate guilt in my existence One that is there for not remaining my father\u2019s daughter One that is there for not being every dream my mother once had\u00a0 One that is there to exist as the side Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":52,"featured_media":0,"parent":27,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-366","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/366","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/52"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=366"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/366\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":751,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/366\/revisions\/751"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/27"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n<\/span>There is an innate guilt in my existence<\/span>
\n<\/span>One that is there for not remaining my father\u2019s daughter<\/span>
\n<\/span>One that is there for not being every dream my mother once had\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>One that is there to exist as the side my brother could never be<\/span>
\n<\/span>Emotional\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Non-aggressive\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Full of art\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Trying to be full of life<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>He is kind\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>He is loving\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>He is patient<\/span>
\n<\/span>He is all of the things that I wish I could prove that I am to myself\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>But he does not understand<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>He does not understand why the pursuit of trying to understand what life is intended to be is the only escape I have from the presupposition that my existence in inherently contingent on the guilt of all the women who have come before me.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>Independent\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Free<\/span>
\n<\/span>I am full of all the possibility of all the things she is today\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>A housewife<\/span>
\n<\/span>A mother<\/span>
\n<\/span>A bride\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>A life that hinges on her children\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>A life that requires a husband<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>Who was she before being a bride?\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Who was she before her mother made her those things too?\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>His rage<\/span>
\n<\/span>His excitement<\/span>
\n<\/span>His passion<\/span>
\n<\/span>His love\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Never can I escape these\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>And yet\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>It is wrong<\/span>
\n<\/span>Wrong.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Wrong.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Wrong.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>For me to hold rage so tightly it burns through me\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>To hold excitement to the point of expression\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>To hold passion and not be seen simply for my body\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>To love.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Oh god.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>To love.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>And be loved<\/span>
\n<\/span>It is impossible.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>And yet.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>And yet.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>It is all I want.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>It is all that I need.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>It is all that I require of my life.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>To be loved.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>To be seen as a person.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>A person who is independent of her circumstances<\/span>
\n<\/span>Of her impositions\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Of her indignations\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Of her regrets<\/span>
\n<\/span>Of her dreams\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>Of her life.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>To be seen outside her life.\u00a0<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>Her.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>There is no escape.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>No escape from the word\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>No escape from what she\u2026.<\/span>
\n<\/span>What <\/span>I<\/i><\/b><\/span>
\n<\/span>Place upon myself.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>The weight.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>The guilt.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>It might be inherent to my existence.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>But it is mine.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>It is <\/span>mine.<\/i><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>By me.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>I do not see myself.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>I was terribly worried that I don\u2019t exist outside of when someone sees me.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>I knew I did<\/span>
\n<\/span>I thought I did\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>I hoped I did\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n<\/span>I don\u2019t even think it matters if I did.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>I do not think I exist outside of when someone sees me.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n