As the wind chimes blew in the breeze of the August afternoon<\/p>\n
she looked up at him and saw everything<\/p>\n
She\u2019d not spoke as much the last few days<\/p>\n
But when he looked in her eyes, he knew she was still there<\/p>\n
He wheeled her back inside the house<\/p>\n
Where the wood creaked<\/p>\n
And dust had settled over photographs of people she knew<\/p>\n
she\u2019d already seen for the last time<\/p>\n
When he stood over the stove he thought he looked foolish,<\/p>\n
gawking and birdlike<\/p>\n
over meals she had once made better<\/p>\n
but that\u2019s not what she saw<\/p>\n
And even though she told him she was proud<\/p>\n
He was not yet comfortable with the end like she was<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t think he could do anything right<\/p>\n
As a child, he wanted to be an astronaut<\/p>\n
He\u2019d put a strainer on his head and run past the kitchen<\/p>\n
climb out the window onto the roof and stare at the stars<\/p>\n
And she\u2019d go up there with him<\/p>\n
She\u2019d hold his eyes after sunset and lift them to show him the stars<\/p>\n
and he\u2019d think she was magic<\/p>\n
And she was<\/p>\n
She\u2019d tell him about Cassiopeia, the rings of Saturn, and how big the universe was<\/p>\n
That there was space so large there\u2019d be light and darkness they\u2019d never get to see<\/p>\n
He refused that of course<\/p>\n
He\u2019d lift the strainer from his head to let her know he was back on earth<\/p>\n
And tell her not to worry, because he\u2019d fly up there one day and bring it back to her<\/p>\n
And she\u2019d ask him if he\u2019d find heaven for her and he said he would<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But things were harder the older he got<\/p>\n
Family moved out one by one until only they were left<\/p>\n
And he realized one day that he\u2019d need money, and plans, and time<\/p>\n
He realized he\u2019d need to make commitments that contradicted each other<\/p>\n
that he\u2019d have to be someone he wasn\u2019t<\/p>\n
in order to be someone he was<\/p>\n
He realized that there were many things even on earth<\/p>\n
that he\u2019d never get to see. And Heaven started to slip a little further from him ever day.<\/p>\n
He worried That he\u2019d never get to show her<\/p>\n
Sometimes he\u2019d sleep in her bed afraid<\/p>\n
He\u2019d never tell her he couldn\u2019t do it of course<\/p>\n
He would never tell her not to hope<\/p>\n
But she was a wise old woman<\/p>\n
And every time a tear streamed down his cheek she\u2019d hold him close and whisper that the<\/p>\n
stars that mattered most to her saw her every day.<\/p>\n
He asked her which star was her favorite<\/p>\n
And she told him the sun<\/p>\n
He didn\u2019t know that the sun was a star<\/p>\n
So he asked her why she liked it so much<\/p>\n
And she said it\u2019s because it was what brought her the most light<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Lately she had taken a fear of falling<\/p>\n
So he would carry her up the stairs each night and sit on her bedside until she slept<\/p>\n
when her hands rested in his, he held on each time<\/p>\n
wishing he could hold on longer<\/p>\n
Sometimes he thought about how horrible it was to practice holding her hand<\/p>\n
for the last time<\/p>\n
But he feared each time might be the last<\/p>\n
He needed to know how tightly to grasp her that final time<\/p>\n
To let her know he wanted her to stay<\/p>\n
But she had always known in her own way<\/p>\n
And she\u2019d tell him not to worry<\/p>\n
That hands can\u2019t hold love like the heart can<\/p>\n
And that it was there where he\u2019d never let her go<\/p>\n
And her the same<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And then of course the day came<\/p>\n
As they often do<\/p>\n
When she didn\u2019t need him to roll her around anymore<\/p>\n
And he fell apart in a way he never had before<\/p>\n
There was no goodbye<\/p>\n
No last look at the stars<\/p>\n
No last talk before reaching the other side of eternity<\/p>\n
He stood by her bed long after she had gone<\/p>\n
Waiting for the rest of the light to go out in the world<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
That night the moon rose over an empty house<\/p>\n
He stood on the roof, feet planted firmly<\/p>\n
Eyes again to the stars, looking for her<\/p>\n
In his hand a note<\/p>\n
He had found in her nightstand<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
When you go outside in the night<\/em><\/p>\n You may think that the moon is alone<\/em><\/p>\n When you find me lying still, you may fear you\u2019ve lost me<\/em><\/p>\n I know this isn\u2019t how you wanted me to see Heaven<\/em><\/p>\n But even in life, I always had you<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Like the borderlands of space where the nothing belts the stars<\/em><\/p>\n there is a distance in my soul that light alone has ever crossed<\/em><\/p>\n If you ever wanted to know why the moon shines so bright, you\u2019d have to ask the<\/em><\/p>\n sun why it glows<\/em><\/p>\n And if you ever were to learn why the sun was so warm<\/em><\/p>\n you\u2019d smile to know the moon was never too far behind<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Find Heaven for me, won\u2019t you?<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" James Friedman As the wind chimes blew in the breeze of the August afternoon she looked up at him and saw everything She\u2019d not spoke as much the last few days But when he looked in her eyes, he knew she was still there He wheeled her back inside the house Where the wood creaked Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":59,"featured_media":0,"parent":27,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-481","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/481","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/59"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=481"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/481\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":754,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/481\/revisions\/754"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/27"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/18-2\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=481"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}