Every day that I put on my cape, I casually notice myself understanding my purpose in this sunken cesspool of violence and despair I was born into. Despite the darkness gradually engulfing our rotting carcass of a world, my cape serves as a beacon of light that guides those I was destined to protect.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019ve often agonized over why I continue saving a world that refuses to save itself. Some days even have me clamoring for the sweet embrace of death gifted by my foes where I could finally escape my earthly duties. But then I ask myself who would save humanity? If not me, then who? After all, the superhero life isn\u2019t for the faint of heart.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhere were you when you first discovered the victim?\u201d I asked the witness while rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIt was around midnight,\u201d she began, pausing momentarily to dampen the tears streaming down her face on my cape. Luckily for her, I was far too exhausted to take notice. Being on-call 24\/7 will do that to a body. \u201cI was going through the aisles doing my stocking for the morning shift. Then I walked down this aisle and found him\u2026his throat slit open\u2026and\u2026and\u2026his contents pouring out everywhere.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I knelt to the floor to closely examine the carnage. The poor bastard didn\u2019t know what hit him.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Jesus, what kind of monster could\u2019ve done such a thing?<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Once the witness was able to regain her composure, her tears ceased long enough to menacingly reply, \u201cProbably someone who gets off to watching the world burn itself to a crisp.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI see and when was the last time you saw the victim?\u201d I queried, waiting for the goosebumps to cease.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI always see him every morning before I head into work. So I\u2019d say yesterday before 8:00 a.m.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cCould you identify him?\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cSure\u2026I, I guess so,\u201d she took a prolonged gulp before answering. \u201cIt\u2019s\u2026it\u2019s\u2026Tony the Tiger.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI take it he didn\u2019t have himself a grrrrrreat day,\u201d I chuckled to myself as the hysterics of my sleep-deprived mind finally took control. The insensitive remark caused the victim to unleash a prolonged, sorrowful cry that echoed throughout the empty store.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The witness reached into her back pocket and handed me a small manila envelope. \u201cThis was found underneath the victim. I hope you aren\u2019t squeamish.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I opened the envelope filled with Frosted Flakes dust. Inside was a severed tail belonging to the victim with a taunting message reading: \u201c<\/span>Tails\u2026YOU LOSE.\u201d<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cNot again!\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I immediately knew who was behind this grisly act.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Over the last month, mascot-themed cereal boxes have been slain in supermarkets across the city by an anarchist hell-bent on overthrowing the cereal patriarchy.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n First victim was Toucan Sam who appeared to have followed his nose to where it didn\u2019t belong. His severed beak was discovered taped to a pitcher of skim milk. Oh, the humanity!\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n A few days later, Sonny had gotten a little too cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. His eyes were gouged out and the rest of his remains have yet to be found.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps the most grotesque of all came a week ago when a firecracker had infiltrated a box of Rice Krispies. The explosion Snap, Crackle and Popped their little heads clean off their shoulders.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n But what does this sicko want?<\/span><\/i> Since when did murder become part of a balanced breakfast?<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The witness, bloodshot eyes and all, grew hysterical.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou better bring Tony to justice.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I lowered my voice and uttered a line I prayed sounded as badass as it did in my head. \u201cBelieve me when I tell you, I promise that I\u2019ll find this cereal killer.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Evan Craig Every day that I put on my cape, I casually notice myself understanding my purpose in this sunken cesspool of violence and despair I was born into. Despite the darkness gradually engulfing our rotting carcass of a world, my cape serves as a beacon of light that guides those I was destined to… <\/p>\n