{"id":239,"date":"2024-11-19T23:16:03","date_gmt":"2024-11-19T23:16:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/?page_id=239"},"modified":"2024-11-30T03:30:09","modified_gmt":"2024-11-30T03:30:09","slug":"rules-of-engagement","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/rules-of-engagement\/","title":{"rendered":"Rules of Engagement"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Corrina Angel<\/span><\/p>\n

The table is long in my memory<\/span><\/p>\n

And sometimes I think it keeps getting longer<\/span><\/p>\n

My father at the head<\/span><\/p>\n

Me, off to his right like some kind of tiny lieutenant<\/span><\/p>\n

Five<\/span><\/p>\n

No one else around<\/span><\/p>\n

Before the coma<\/span><\/p>\n

Before the police<\/span><\/p>\n

But after the apartment<\/span><\/p>\n

He tells me many things at this table<\/span><\/p>\n

Like how a person is a balloon<\/span><\/p>\n

And holding them too close will destroy them<\/span><\/p>\n

And how eye contact is a sign of disrespect<\/span><\/p>\n

Or flirting, you decide<\/span><\/p>\n

I am young, and the things my parents say are as good as gospel<\/span><\/p>\n

So I keep my eyes cast down always<\/span><\/p>\n

\/<\/span><\/p>\n

I am my mother\u2019s tiny lieutenant too<\/span><\/p>\n

Her navigator<\/span><\/p>\n

Copilot<\/span><\/p>\n

Reliant and reliable as well<\/span><\/p>\n

How convenient that I could sit in the passenger\u2019s seat by the time I was nine<\/span><\/p>\n

Did you know that it used to be a gunner position back in the day?<\/span><\/p>\n

\/<\/span><\/p>\n

I have so many relatives that used to be in the military<\/span><\/p>\n

Father, grandfathers, uncles, aunt<\/span><\/p>\n

Yet I have never actually gotten to know a single one of them<\/span><\/p>\n

My mother rattles off their ranks, their accomplishments, their commendations<\/span><\/p>\n

None of this tells me how they felt about it all<\/span><\/p>\n

No one ever bothered to write that part down<\/span><\/p>\n

\/<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I wonder if a soldier was what I was made to be<\/span><\/p>\n

If I am drenched in war like battlefield soil gets drenched in blood<\/span><\/p>\n

If I destined to become the sort of person who stuffs down fear into some forgotten corner<\/span><\/p>\n

Never looks their betters in the eye<\/span><\/p>\n

Acts as a finger on an unclean hand<\/span><\/p>\n

And justifies that uncleanliness to anyone who asks<\/span><\/p>\n

I am the coerced recruit who wants to go home<\/span><\/p>\n

I am the first casualty that knows their fate before the order to charge is given<\/span><\/p>\n

I am useful<\/span><\/p>\n

And that\u2019s all that really matters<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Corrina Angel The table is long in my memory And sometimes I think it keeps getting longer My father at the head Me, off to his right like some kind of tiny lieutenant Five No one else around Before the coma Before the police But after the apartment He tells me many things at Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":53,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"template-left-sidebar.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-239","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/239","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/81"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=239"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/239\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":286,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/239\/revisions\/286"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=239"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}