{"id":509,"date":"2024-11-30T01:56:23","date_gmt":"2024-11-30T01:56:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/?page_id=509"},"modified":"2024-11-30T03:26:34","modified_gmt":"2024-11-30T03:26:34","slug":"all-hands-meeting-thursday-400-p-m","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/all-hands-meeting-thursday-400-p-m\/","title":{"rendered":"All Hands Meeting, Thursday, 4:00 P.M."},"content":{"rendered":"

by John Timm<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cALL HANDS MTG. 4:00 P.M. THURS. 5\/9. ADMIN.CONF. RM. 302.\u201d They used\u00a0to put these notices in our mailboxes. Now they send an email, then text us a reminder. Guess\u00a0 we\u2019re finally getting in synch with the times around here, right when I\u2019m about to leave.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m first in the room, as usual. Not that I\u2019m ever eager for another meeting. I just like <\/span>to get it over with. I know arriving early doesn\u2019t make it happen any faster, but I\u2019m good at\u00a0 <\/span>fooling myself into thinking somehow it does. Anyway, it\u2019s my last meeting. In and of itself, that\u00a0 <\/span>holds a particular sense of . . . I don\u2019t know . . . closure. No, not that either. Hard to find the word\u00a0<\/span>. . . finality. Yes, after 27 years, finality. Final indeed in so many ways. And along with this last\u00a0<\/span>faculty meeting of many, perhaps also a moment of public recognition? Possibly a kind word\u00a0<\/span>from the provost? A plaque? At least a plaque. His colleagues over in Biology gave Metzger and\u00a0<\/span>his wife two weeks in Spain. Two weeks anywhere would be magnificent. Or even just one. If <\/span>they were to say, \u201cA week in the Bahamas,\u201d what would I say in gratitude? What would she say\u00a0<\/span>if I came home to Molly and told her, \u201cA week in . . . wherever?\u201d I\u2019d say, \u201cPut the meatloaf in\u00a0<\/span>the refrigerator, Moll, we\u2019re going out for steak tonight.\u201d Or simply a round of applause from my\u00a0<\/span>colleagues. \u201cA job well done.\u201d \u201cBravo.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve made your mark here.\u201d \u201cYou will be missed.\u201d <\/span>That alone would be enough.\u00a0 And I would stand, bow, thank them. A well-chosen word or two.\u00a0<\/span>No speech. A good way to end things on a high note. Yes, very good.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, right on schedule here\u2019s Will Stafford, edging over to his favorite position, one seat\u00a0<\/span>away from the provost\u2019s chair in the shadow of the lectern. He\u2019s pulled that trick for as long as I\u00a0<\/span>can remember. Not that it\u2019s done him much good. Never been promoted beyond assistant <\/span>professor. Nor likely ever will. Certainly no chance at department chair. Should have stayed at\u00a0<\/span>Fenton. His alma mater might have been kinder. Already has his nose buried in the agenda. He\u00a0<\/span>sees me. I can always tell he feels obligated to acknowledge my presence, as if it\u2019s a gift, then\u00a0<\/span>makes a point of digging back into the agenda. Acts like it\u2019s some scholarly document worthy of\u00a0<\/span>painstaking analysis\u2014it isn\u2019t, I\u2019m sure, even though I haven\u2019t yet read my own copy, which I\u00a0<\/span>will do as soon as I find my seat. Same seat as always. Why not?<\/span><\/p>\n

Dexter from Physics. Manages the usual smile, though I doubt he recalls who I am, even <\/span>after all these years. We\u2019ve never had one single syllable of conversation. Moving four chairs to\u00a0<\/span>my right across the table. This day is not likely to advance our camaraderie any more than\u00a0<\/span>hundreds of others before it.<\/span><\/p>\n

The door opens again . . . and we have a woman. An unknown woman. Not faculty. At\u00a0<\/span>least not our faculty.\u00a0 Well-dressed. A brief case. Designer. No doubt a presenter. Ugh. Makes for\u00a0<\/span>a longer meeting. I rise and walk around the table to greet her. She\u2019s offering a ritual smile and\u00a0<\/span>starting to give some sort of vague explanation for her presence. Now Stafford thrusts a hand\u00a0<\/span>between us, then the rest of him. The smile morphs into slight annoyance, then quickly back <\/span>to smile mode as our guest feigns an acknowledgement and looks about for a place to set the <\/span>designer brief case. Stafford offers coffee. The woman says something about caffein and the\u00a0<\/span>late hour that I don\u2019t entirely hear, but I get the point, which Stafford apparently does not as he\u00a0<\/span>dashes out the door in the direction of the Admin Lounge. I retreat to my place at the table, no\u00a0<\/span>names exchanged between the woman and me.<\/span><\/p>\n

Five minutes to the top of the hour. Now four. I must stop counting. Useless. Dexter <\/span>motions for me to slide the water pitcher towards him. I maneuver it between the row of glasses <\/span>until he has it in reach. He grasps it and looks away. No acknowledgement. No surprise.<\/span><\/p>\n

The agenda gives no hint as to what\u2019s in store today under \u201cNew Business.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

A flurry of activity visible outside the door. Groups of four, five, six. Department by\u00a0<\/span>department. Modern Languages\u2014no, now it\u2019s World Languages. Better get used to it, not that it <\/span>will matter much anymore. Communications, Political Science enter en masse. The rest from\u00a0<\/span>English gather to one side of me, nods exchanged between us as they file in. And someone to\u00a0<\/span>take notes. Mrs. Hume. Here as long as I. Guess now she\u2019ll outlast me.<\/span><\/p>\n

One minute after the hour. Ah, our beloved provost has arrived. He assembles his papers\u00a0<\/span>on the lectern with the usual precision. Smiles, silent acknowledgements. The room quiets as he\u00a0<\/span>begins to speak. He welcomes our guest by name and degree, \u201cDr. Janice Packer,\u201d but offers no\u00a0<\/span>hint as to why she\u2019s here. I\u2019m sure others note the omission as well. We move through the agenda\u00a0<\/span>rapidly. Same old, same old. On to new business. Good. Our shared curiosity is about to be\u00a0<\/span>rewarded.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe all know the difficulties of\u00a0 higher education in the new millennium. Especially the\u00a0<\/span>challenges facing private institutions such as ours. Rising costs, falling enrollments in many\u00a0<\/span>areas, infrastructure needs we deal with every day in the form of leaky roofs and toilets that don\u2019t\u00a0<\/span>flush. The list is much longer. We can all recite it, I\u2019m sure.\u201d Words meant to elicit a laugh, or at\u00a0<\/span>least a smile; there is no reaction around the table. \u201cJust as we have not been spared, nor has our\u00a0<\/span>neighbor, Fenton College.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The mention of our rival institution no doubt further raises the level of curiosity among <\/span>my colleagues as it does in me. Fenton? So long the opponent, the adversary, even the enemy. <\/span>Fenton . . . ?<\/span><\/p>\n

The provost continues, \u201cI\u2019ll save you all any further suspense. Mrs. Hume, kindly invite\u00a0<\/span>our other guests to join us.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Four . . . six . . . eight more parties enter the room and join the provost, some of them\u00a0<\/span>uncomfortably overlapping at each side of the podium. A few looks of recognition and greetings\u00a0<\/span>mouthed between the table and our new guests. I look about to see all those among us who are\u00a0<\/span>complicit, but it\u2019s too late as the\u00a0 provost continues, introducing the president, provost and the <\/span>deans from Fenton. \u201cAnd I also need to call upon Dr. Packer, whom you will be seeing a lot in\u00a0<\/span>the coming weeks and months in her role as transition coordinator.\u201d Dr. Packer stands. The <\/span>Fenton delegation parts to allow her to take a position next to the provost, further crowding the\u00a0<\/span>podium.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve guessed what she\u2019s about to say, and I\u2019m tempted to get up and leave. As the\u00a0<\/span>provost and Dr. Packer engage in dialogue, I dive deeper into thought. But I hear words and\u00a0<\/span>contrived phrases like\u00a0 \u201cstronger,\u201d \u201cbest for the both of us,\u201d \u201cbrighter future,\u201d \u201cputting whatever\u00a0<\/span>differences behind us for the greater good.\u201d Dr. Packer thanks everyone for their cooperation in\u00a0<\/span>making \u201ca merger of equals\u201d happen. The various members of the delegation express similar\u00a0<\/span>blather. As does our president with more than the usual unctuousness.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s time for a Q and A: \u201cNo, for now we don\u2019t expect to make any changes in faculty or\u00a0<\/span>staff.\u201d \u201cYes, there will be two campuses, but that may not always be the case.\u201d \u201cNo, nothing is\u00a0<\/span>set in stone at this point.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

And so forth. The clock is edging towards 5:00. We have a rule. A good rule: our\u00a0<\/span>faculty meetings never last more than an hour. Three minutes to go. Then two. The questions\u00a0<\/span>continue from around the table. I lean forward, look towards the provost, hoping to catch his eye.\u00a0<\/span>He sees me, shows a flicker of a smile, then begins to speak. This may be the moment. The one\u00a0<\/span>moment . . .<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>Let\u2019s leave things there for now. It\u2019s five o\u2019clock. I want to thank everyone in the\u00a0<\/span>room, there\u2019s obviously a lot for all to digest. We will keep you posted as things unfold. Oh, <\/span>before we leave\u2014very quickly\u2014 I need to recognize someone.\u201d He pauses. \u201cOne person in <\/span>particular who has done so much here over his many years of service.\u201d Another pause. \u201cSomeone\u00a0<\/span>who has helped move this process along from the beginning and will continue to do so . . . our\u00a0<\/span>own Fenton alum, Willis Stafford. Thanks, Will, thanks so very much.\u201d There is polite applause.\u00a0<\/span>The provost glances about with a look of satisfaction as, of course, does Stafford. The provost\u00a0<\/span>picks up his papers from the lectern, shuffles them. \u201cYou are all dismissed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I head towards the parking lot. It is cold for this late in May. I can almost see my breath. I\u00a0<\/span>find my car and drive towards the street as I have so many times before. It\u2019s Thursday, and Molly\u00a0<\/span>will be making meatloaf for dinner tonight.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by John Timm \u201cALL HANDS MTG. 4:00 P.M. THURS. 5\/9. ADMIN.CONF. RM. 302.\u201d They used\u00a0to put these notices in our mailboxes. Now they send an email, then text us a reminder. Guess\u00a0 we\u2019re finally getting in synch with the times around here, right when I\u2019m about to leave. I\u2019m first in the room, as usual. Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":83,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":22,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"template-left-sidebar.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-509","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/509","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/83"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=509"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/509\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":511,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/509\/revisions\/511"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/20-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=509"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}