{"id":451,"date":"2025-11-18T00:08:12","date_gmt":"2025-11-18T00:08:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/?page_id=451"},"modified":"2025-11-18T00:29:35","modified_gmt":"2025-11-18T00:29:35","slug":"the-flower-and-the-beetle","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/fiction\/the-flower-and-the-beetle\/","title":{"rendered":"The Flower and the Beetle"},"content":{"rendered":"

Alexei Raymond<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFor an instant, silence, noisier than a waterfall.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

-Salman Rushdie, Midnight\u2019s Children<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In the passenger seat, Valentin felt the grandeur of movement.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Emil encouraged him, contrary to the boy\u2019s knowledge of appropriate seating for ten-year-olds, to sit up front. Emil\u2019s rationale was along the lines of on this occasion, why not? <\/em>and, without too much of a fuss or the will to refuse, Valentin gingerly buckled in. With the streets rushing past them\u2014primarily from the seemingly yawning, panoramic windshield\u2014the boy braced for a wind that wouldn\u2019t come.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014 Ah, it\u2019s wide here.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Wide?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 The window is so big.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Oh\u2014oh, the windshield? Yeah! You\u2019re not scared, are you?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 No.<\/span><\/p>\n

Earlier that afternoon, Emil pulled up in his small red car, as he always did on Tuesdays, and called Valentin to let him know he\u2019d arrived. The boy had started getting used to the ginger man whose face was seemingly molded into permanent amusement. The previous man, whose name the boy had already forgotten, and never truly cared to know, was, by comparison, always strange. Though the humming plasma ball he\u2019d given him as a farewell gift made the boy feel guilt over how grateful he was about the switch to Emil. The Perach<\/em>[1]<\/a> program, he was told, in vaguer, softer terms, was for the quiet kids\u2014those who struggle with friends, or their studies, or both. Something about being chosen to take part shamed him, for it felt like everyone could see and confirm things the boy only vaguely experienced and didn\u2019t quite choose to own.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They told him that Emil, like the forgotten man before him, was a university student who would meet him once a week, and they\u2019d be able to hang out \u2018like brothers\u2019. The simile, though its words were familiar, had no effect on the boy, raised single child as he was. The idea of an older brother, and one so adult, never stopped being a peculiarity he couldn\u2019t quite feel at home with. Though it did become easier with Emil, whose cheery nature often dissolved Valentin\u2019s reticent, sullen demeanor. The man, he grew to learn, was actually quite fun, and made him forget the pairing was meant to fix something.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 At first came the relief that Emil wouldn\u2019t make him sit down and solve math problems, as the previous man did. Emil\u2019s weekly hour was always spent on more engaging activities, where Valentin felt wonder and fun. The previous school year, the forgotten man would simply come over and loom next to Valentin as the boy showed him the cartoons he loved, his computer games, or where he\u2019d go on the internet, before they settled into doomed attempts at making him parse math problems. Sometimes, the man, when he\u2019d sit beside Valentin in front of the TV\u2014always slouched\u2014would stoke Valentin\u2019s discomfort by asking with thinly veiled attraction, about Alona, the pretty blonde girl in some show the boy enjoyed. Valentin, feeling at a loss as to the kind of response expected of him, and with a twist of ownership over the pretty TV girl, simply replied that she was one of the regulars in the show, and left it at that.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014 Hey, was school alright today? Heard you\u2019re ending the year next week, and then it\u2019s the summer break, right? Man<\/em>, miss those days.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Oh, um, it was okay. My birthday is on the\u2026 four, five\u2026 sixth<\/em> day of the break.<\/span><\/p>\n

The boy struggled to divide his attention between the thrill of the front seat and Emil\u2019s chat, though could always supply memorized facts.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Well, well! And you\u2019re gonna be a fifth-grader next year! That\u2019s pretty cool, right? Those big kids you see now\u2014gonna be you soon!<\/span><\/p>\n

Despite Valentin\u2019s growing comfort with Emil, he\u2019d still default to silence. While silence felt pointedly uncomfortable with the suspicious, previous man, Emil seemed to take it in stride, made it okay, in some aura of calm patience, as if Valentin always had an endless reservoir of time at his side, to gather his thoughts and finally choose to say what he truly wanted\u2014or not. The rides with Emil, with which the assigned big brother<\/em> took him either to his lively home or on various outdoor adventures, became a source of comfort and anticipation. Quietly awed, Valentin continued to bask in the graduation of the front seat, before Emil began to slow and brake.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014 Oh, we\u2019re here?<\/span><\/p>\n

The car turned off the highway toward a hill and some yellow, summery fields.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Yup! Just gotta\u2026 park here\u2026 somewhere. There<\/em>, that\u2019s the spot!<\/span><\/p>\n

The car climbed up the hill and stopped in an empty lot beside a wire fence. Valentin jumped out and surveyed the land around them. Below were the rushing highway and the complications of an intersection. Nearby was some sort of space for outdoor weddings, like his uncle\u2019s, recently. And right before him, beyond the low fence, lay the dry, rolling fields, giving way to distant treelines and some sporadic structure husks. Emil locked the car and came to stand beside the boy.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 It\u2019s pretty nice here, isn\u2019t it? Bit dry, but at least it\u2019s not too hot out right now.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Yeah. I\u2019m not hot.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Well that\u2019s good. You know, I actually thought about just going to the movies, but we did that last week. This place though\u2026 Back in high school me and some friends used to come out here to hang out. Bonfires, picnics… girls. Come on, let\u2019s go. <\/span>
\nEmil stepped over the low fence and advanced into the field\u2014his courage infecting the boy. Valentin, following the initiative, tried to keep up the pace.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 An assortment of plants\u2014some dry, spiky husks, others still living and holding onto green, others topped with surviving flowers\u2014came up past the pockets of the boy\u2019s shorts, prickling his legs in a familiar, though tolerable manner. He at once felt in his element\u2014child entomologist\u2019s\u2014with his eyes resuming what they felt called to do: to spot any living creatures present in the bushes, on stems, sitting inside flowers. Emil, still walking ahead, seemed lost in thought. Valentin, in between his ongoing search for beetles, continued to periodically glance at Emil\u2019s back, in case the man wanted to ask him something, or tell him a story, as he sometimes did. But Emil just continued to pace about, looking toward the distant treeline.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014 Emil! I found one! Look, look!<\/span><\/p>\n

The man turned, emerging from distraction, his permanent smile absent, as Valentin hopped and pushed through the dry grass\u2014his hands cupping a captive black beetle.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Look! I found it sitting inside a flower. They usually sit there. There are sooo<\/em> many like these next to my house. I sometimes collect too many to hold in one hand!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Oh! Wow! It doesn\u2019t bite? Looks kinda\u2026 cute?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Hah! No, no, they don\u2019t bite. I don\u2019t think the biting ones are here. The biting ones are bigger, and like, long, and\u2026 They\u2019re called in Russian\u2026 um, drovosek<\/em>. I like them!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 That\u2019s like a lumberjack, right?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Oh, right, right!<\/span>
\nIn his excitement, the boy didn\u2019t wonder how Emil understood the Russian word. They never spoke in Russian, and the man never gave any signs that they could. Though the boy\u2019s mother seemed especially pleased with entrusting him to Emil. Valentin always sensed some overflowing pride in her, or admiration, whenever she was home and Emil came over to pick him up. The way she glowed when Emil introduced himself made Valentin feel a pang of jealousy, but also made the prospect of spending time with him feel safer\u2014approved, somehow. For if she trusted him, he supposed he could, too.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014 Hey, I was thinkin\u2019, what about your friends? Are you gonna play with them more? I hear you\u2019re staying home these days.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Um\u2026 I like playing Warcraft.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 That\u2019s fine\u2014Warcraft\u2019s cool, but I mean, will you be going outside with your friends a bit more? What were their names, David and\u2026?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Oh, Igor.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Yeah, those guys. They seem nice, right?<\/span><\/p>\n

Emil picked a yellow flower off a nearby stem\u2014the kind Valentin found the beetle in\u2014and began to twirl it. Valentin provided no answer.<\/span>
\n\u2014 Valentin?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Sometimes. They wanted me to go home last time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Valentin was surprised by how suddenly the admission made his throat feel funny\u2014his chin quiver. His brows furrowed as he pried open the beetle\u2019s carapace until he broke off a piece, exposing the beetle\u2019s wings and the softness underneath. He dropped the beetle into a forebodingly sharp bush, while Emil looked elsewhere, apparently back with his private thoughts.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Little pricks.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emil swore. His sanctioned swearing. It always jolted Valentin to hear how casually Emil allowed himself to swear\u2014how he didn\u2019t even seem to think that the words he used were sensitive, or in any way wrong in the boy\u2019s presence. Pricks<\/em>. Sometimes, Valentin would privately echo Emil\u2019s cadence. To test confidence. Pricks<\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Well, listen. You shouldn\u2019t let them gang up on you. Man, I think it\u2019s just that sometimes when friends hang out a lot\u2014over and over\u2014a break might be good for you, you know? I had that with my friends back then. But just a break\u2014you don\u2019t stop being friends. You gotta be able to miss each other. What do you do when they\u2019re being mean to you?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 I go.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Buddy. Come here.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emil moved to stand beside him, and, unexpectedly, placed the hand holding the flower on the boy\u2019s shoulder. Valentin\u2019s lower lip began to quiver too, and it was as though an inexorable pull was exerted on his eyes from the obscured ground. He could not look up.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Val. Tell me if they\u2019re mean to you, okay? I can take care of it! Don\u2019t worry, okay? Alright? Valentin?<\/span><\/p>\n

The boy forced a nod.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Okay?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Okay.<\/span><\/p>\n

Emil broke off\u2014quite suddenly\u2014and dropped the flower. He\u2019d apparently spotted something in the bushes in front of them. In the jarring interruption of the moment, Valentin managed to look up, tentatively, feeling the ground\u2019s pull weaken. The afternoon sun was on its way to dip below the trees in the distance. The yellow field they\u2019d invaded was turning orange, and shadows began to pool beneath their feet. Dusk\u2019s advance.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014 Fuck! Check it out!<\/span><\/p>\n

In a few large strides, Emil covered the distance back to Valentin and revealed what stood in his palm. An upward sprawling, majestic, and threatening bogomol<\/em>. The green hunter was larger than any of those the boy had ever caught\u2014mere nymphs in comparison. Its size looked to be in harmony with Emil\u2019s age and maturity. Not without envy, Valentin thought that of course<\/em> the big brother would be able to catch the larger insect.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Wow! It\u2019s a\u2014nu<\/em>\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 A praying mantis, right? It\u2019s okay, you can tell me in Russian.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Yeah, bogomol!<\/span><\/p>\n

The mantis, standing frozen at its articulations, began to elegantly move\u2014even flow\u2014up and around Emil\u2019s hand. The ginger hair on his forearm was punctuated by the hunter\u2019s slender feet. <\/span>
\n\u2014 Wanna hold it?<\/span><\/p>\n

Valentin hesitated, set aback by the hunter\u2019s imposing size, the sharp claws. Though the opportunity could not be refused.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Okay.<\/span><\/p>\n

The mantis, larger than the boy\u2019s entire hand, moved to his forearm, and then a few paces further up\u2014almost reaching his sleeve.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Ahh!<\/span><\/p>\n

Emil laughed and intervened to take the large creature off the boy, thereby preserving Valentin\u2019s strained composure.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Okay, I think we can let him go now. Too bad we don\u2019t have a camera!<\/span><\/p>\n

The insect was allowed to step onto some tall grass, where it stood still, though made to sway by a slight breeze. The boy and the man watched it for a while, as if in reverence of the hunter\u2019s godliness, as the distant, ceaseless sound of traffic brushed the air around them.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Well! Looks like it\u2019s getting a bit late. Better get you back so your mom\u2019s not worried.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Oh, yeah, okay.<\/span><\/p>\n

In their purposeless saunter into the field, they managed to cover quite some ground, so the walk back to the car took longer than expected. Emil led the way, and Valentin brought up the rear, still eyeing the stalks around for any remaining bugs they might\u2019ve missed\u2014perhaps some special one to impress Emil with. But without further excitement, they stepped over the wire fence, and Valentin took the passenger seat once again, having already grown out of his prior reservations about legality and imagined policemen. On the ride back home, he grew accustomed to the view afforded adults in the front seats and didn\u2019t think much about the lull that settled between himself and Emil. He simply watched more and more streets, minor landmarks go by, content with Emil\u2019s handling of the drive. Then came the familiar street, the drop-off, and, a minute later, he would be home.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u2014 That\u2019s us.<\/span><\/p>\n

Valentin unbuckled himself, stepped out, and shut the door firmly, the way his father had taught him whenever he\u2019d come over to pick him up for the weekend. Emil came around the back, and both stood in the courtyard leading up to Valentin\u2019s apartment building. The streetlamps along the road began to turn on and pour yellow in cones to counter the evening\u2019s dark.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Okay, bye.<\/span><\/p>\n

With a clipped goodbye befitting the nature of his boyhood, he began to walk home with a bounce in his step, when Emil called for him to stop. Valentin turned, hands already going to his pockets, thinking he\u2019d forgotten something in the car. Emil stood beside the car in silence for a moment, his face holding an unfamiliar expression. The evening dulled his reddish hair. The boy approached.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Valentin, you do know that today\u2019s our last day, right?<\/span><\/p>\n

Before thought could grasp, Valentin\u2019s eyes went low, glancing at the dusty wheels of the car, Emil\u2019s boots. Was anything even said?<\/span>
\n\u2014 Bye.<\/span><\/p>\n

So muttered, he turned\u2014stone then, alone then\u2014and resumed the walk home, seeing bricks and shoes, shoes and bricks, as the trailing silence swelled, soared, then detonated in the evening sky\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n

Muting all speech, sound, and sense.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\nAlexei Raymond \u201cFor an instant, silence, noisier than a waterfall.\u201d\u00a0 -Salman Rushdie, Midnight\u2019s Children   In the passenger seat, Valentin…\n<\/div>\n
Continue reading “The Flower and the Beetle”<\/span>…<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":81,"featured_media":0,"parent":14,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-451","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/451","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/81"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=451"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/451\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":452,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/451\/revisions\/452"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/14"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/euphemism.illinoisstate.edu\/21-1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=451"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}