Alyssa Buckner

Have that sweet sugar tongue that always turns sour

I’m burning my skin while I stand in the shower

There’s a boy in Colorado I wish gave a fuck

While I’m thinking about my first love and how I wasn’t enough

It’s like my heart tried to smuggle in contraband

It got me addicted to the point I can’t stand

I want to love deeply, but all I can do

Is accept the porn-crazed and the heartlessness too

I’m selling my life, it’s all up for grabs

But who wants a life that makes you feel trapped

I bite the hand that feeds me

Then succumb to the hell that has me glued to the T.V.

I tried to believe in God, believe me, I tried

But the thought of his love doesn’t seem right

To everyone else I have nothing hanging onto my shoulders

But the voices get louder the more I get older

They have my embarrassment and shame attached at their sides

I don’t know where they came from but I’m where they reside

I want to show anger, but it won’t even matter

I’ll just be “dramatic” and fall back into my pattern

I’ll lay on my carpet, stare at the lights ’til I’m blind

Then I’ll remind myself that I’m alive so I’m fine

I miss using the lighter

I miss my soul being a fighter

And I can’t believe that I want to return

To the place where I was when I constantly hurt

When there was a boy who loved me but never cared

His hand in my jeans, on the hem of my underwear

Hiding the hate because I wasn’t alone

Now I’m starting to think I’ve lost all of my goals

Burning slow

Blistered and I’m broke

But every fire goes

Out