Searching for the Girl I Used to Be

Morgan Thomas

I go looking for her sometimes—

the girl I left behind.

She’s small in my memory now,

a faded silhouette

running through tall grass

I can’t quite reach anymore.

 

I call her name,

but the years echo louder.

They swallowed her laughter first,

then her wildness,

then the softness she carried

without ever knowing it was rare.

 

I search in the places

I once buried wonder—

between old fears,

under broken dreams,

inside the walls I built

to survive what she couldn’t.

 

Sometimes I catch a glimpse:

a flutter in my chest,

a spark behind my ribs,

a trace of sunlight

that doesn’t belong here.

 

But she’s shy now.

Skittish.

She doesn’t trust the world

that taught her to hide.

 

So I sit quietly,

hands open,

heart soft—

and wait.

 

I tell her I’m sorry

for leaving her in the dark.

For growing up too fast.

For trading her magic

for armor I never wanted.

 

And slowly,

like dawn slipping over the horizon,

she steps toward me—

barefoot, gentle, trembling.

 

She lifts her small hand,

placing it inside mine,

and for the first time in years

I feel something bloom:

 

A spark.

A warmth.

A remembering.

 

And I realize—

I never lost her.

She was just waiting

for me to come back

and finally

believe I was worth finding.