Nicole Mackowski

i am no  
stranger  
to the feeling of  
anxiety  
engulfing my entire being  
and yet 
nothing  
could have  
prepared me for that 
night.  
i felt my heart  
racing 
my breath 
short 
almost as if it had been  
taken  
from me. 
i couldn’t move no matter how  
much i wanted to.  
everyone  
around me moving  
running  
shouting  
until finally i was pulled  
out of my painful  
reverie  
into the  
reality  
of it all.  
we moved 
not far  
but far enough for all the others  
to feel safe.  
i was paralyzed  
unable to shake the many  
overwhelming  
feelings from just moments 
before.  
i found myself  
abandoning  
every thought in my  
mind   
abandoning  
everyone in  
sight.  

i feel safe in my place of  
solitude  
until the noise becomes  
too much.  
i feel nothing but terror 
ringing  
through every bone in  
my body.  
i scream  
silently 
until i see nothing but  
you  
and everything is  
okay. 

i am  
safe  
finally feeling as 
my lungs fill  
once more 
 so i can  
utter out  
a barely convincible  
i’m okay.  
and i am.  
i promise.  
thank you  
thank you  
thank you  
i whisper.  

i am safe.