by Emily Ruby
I’ve never been good at math
Simple equations like
9:00am+6=3:00pm
10:00am+6=4:00pm
11:00am+6=5:00pm
12:00pm+6=6:00 pm
It takes too long to solve everyday
I thought I was done with math
I remember when the equation was far more simple
9:00am+0=9:00am
10:00am+0=10:00am
11:00am+0=11:00am
12:00pm+0=12:00 pm
Speaking of easy
Some things were just easy;
Waking up in a t shirt that wasn’t my own
Giving, giving, giving
Looking up
Sharing my twin sized bed
Silence
I can’t say I don’t miss it
The easy days
Oh, we knew they’d end
Just like
The times when we stumbled home and looked at the stars.
And the times when we walked to the spot. The same spot.
And the times I’d wake up to a warm blanket of arms, still hugging me from the night before.
And the times you’d defend me from cat-calls.
And the times you’d do anything to see my face.
And the times you made me sleep on the side touching the wall.
And the times you let me wear your jacket.
And the times you made fun of my accent.
And the times I stood on my tippy toes to reach your face
And the times you walked into my apartment holding your training bag.
And the times we played old music and danced.
And the times we watched movies, all day.
And the times we pretended it wouldn’t change.
Now it’s winter
And it’s been winter for months now
But I’ve managed to forget that it’s winter
Until now
Because snow sticks
Just enough to turn the grass white
And the sky is no longer baby blue
The sky is ash and cloud
All I know is that no one is talking the way you did
No one is walking behind me anymore
And my bed feels too big
I feel big
I miss feeling small