I’m Not / I’ve Never

Emmalynne Shumard

I don’t think you understand

I’ve never been in love

 

I don’t know what it is

to hold a hand

or receive a kiss on the cheek

or curl my fingers through your hair

(but I want to)

 

Leaning against you feels bold

(feels brave)

Your arm around my shoulder

is a daring movement

 

You say kind things

and it baffles me,

say I’m wonderful

and unique

and pretty

 

I know all these things,

but how you do

I’ll never understand

 

Where did you learn

to laugh at my jokes?

How did you guess

my favorite color?

 

We are strangers

and you act like

there is more

between us

(will be more)

 

I can’t imagine kissing you

(I imagine kissing you)

 

All I am

is a riot of confusion,

a confession

of an innocent mistake

 

“Love me,” you say,

with every reaching hand

and soft word,

and I grieve over the promises

you want to make

 

Don’t let me

practice affection on you

Don’t let me

sing to your song in the car

or smile with your friends

 

Don’t tell me

I mean something

 

You looked out

and wanted someone

and picked me on a whim,

I know it

(I know it)

 

That doesn’t mean I’m ready

to return in kind

(be kind)

 

I don’t think you understand

(I’ve never been in love)

I’m not in love with you