Samantha Bath
For the emotions we feel throughout every moment. Something that helps us bring out our inner selves. Instrumental pieces that help us connect on a higher plain and understand what it means to exist.
Music is a part of my soul, something precious and perfect.
When I am sad, I want a melancholy piano and orchestra strings to sing in sorrow with me.
When I am happy, for the sound of flutes and trumpets to play with runs of sixteenth notes and high-pitched sounds of triumph.
When I am excited, I want to hear fanfares and the upbeat tempo of the piece within the moment.
When I am angry, I want to hear low brass powerfully thunder around me with harsh, deep chords.
I crave connection. I crave to feel the emotions that instrumental pieces can bring out of me. I do not wish to try and find the perfect piece later, after the moment has passed, for me to haphazardly place over my memory.
I need to be able to capture the extent of my grief, my laughter, my depths of my soul. I cannot deal with silence for too long, because then the monsters start talking.
~~~
When my grandma died, the silence surrounding me became deafening. There were so many words left unsaid, but it was too hard for any of my family to speak the words into existence.
I remember seeing my dad withdraw emotionally afterwards, having lost both of his parents now. My mother could only comfort him by staying by his side. I remember hearing my sister sob as I held her close to me after we found out the news.
I had cried silently, trying to remain a rock for her to lean on without letting myself fall apart. I wanted to remain strong for them, as much as I could.
I remember sobbing one night after my grandma’s funeral, my mouth open in a silent scream. Desperately, I tried to let out all my emotions at once. The immense grief and loneliness that came with the death of someone I had been so close to cannot be put into words or sounds.
I wish I had had a soundtrack of instrumental music to help me with releasing everything I had been feeling that night. It would have made my tears seem less empty, even though they were full of my thoughts and memories of her.
~~~
Music is something I cannot live without. It fills all aspects of my life, as well as the lives of others.
Mother Nature sings to me through her breezes rustling the leaves on trees, whispers hello trough the flowing of water, rages against others with her booming thunder and cracks of lightning.
She reminds me of what is outside of the human voice, what draws me in and allows me to hear other versions of a soundtrack I may have forgotten about…
I know that I said I want a soundtrack of instrumental music to play for every time words cannot express my emotions. But there are other types of soundtracks in life which music will never be able to truly capture.
Laughter, agony, rage, the cacophony of voices around us each sings its own type of song in response to our emotions. It’s what makes us human and connects us to one another.
It’s the voices of those who love us, the chaos in being alive, the way we view the world through our eyes and our experiences.
I hope there is music when I die, because it is hard enough to deal with the silence while I am alive. I cannot fathom a place without the eruption of noise and life, even when my mind wishes for escape from our all too busy world.
Life has a soundtrack.