Tessa Renken
Last Night,
for whatever reason,
I could not fall asleep
on either my right or left side
And so lay on my back,
hands comfortably folded over top me,
until the unspeakable dread befell me
that this would be my death.
Me lying in my coffin,
claustrophobic and immobile,
supposedly at peace.
Immediately I turned over,
but could not escape my thoughts
that this fate awaits
my parents and grandparents
long before I’m gone.
And suddenly I saw myself
in ten years or in twenty,
sitting at my dining room table
like my parents did before me
surrounded by the bills and papers
I never fathomed being secure enough
to understand on my own.
Alone in that dim kitchen
my head in my hands,
I saw myself crying
utterly alone.
And I begin to understand
the appeal of being married.