I Need You to Understand

Emmalynne Shumard

 

I need you to understand

I don’t exist

 

I haven’t

for a long time

 

I think it was the first glare that did it

 

The murmur

of my teacher’s distrust

The doubt

in my mother’s eye

 

Since that time,

I have packed away

every thought of me

That did not belong to

Them

 

I saw acceptance

could not be found

without a knife

 

I have been

sliced away

cut cookie at my edges

sweet with icing

over uneven lines

 

I need you to understand this

 

I need you to see

the blood

on the seams of my hands

 

I don’t need you to love me for it

 

I just need you to see

there used to be someone here

 

I can’t find her anymore

 

But I need you to look at me

Hear me

I’m begging you

I’m telling you

I’m screaming

my old name

 

I need you to understand I existed

I need you to know I don’t anymore