Maia Huddleston
before quarantine
started i had a gel manicure paid
$35 at high-tech nails in bloomington
and called that self care now i rip
off my toenails with my fingers and see how
short they get before they bleed
my mom used to tell me that i could stop
biting my nails any time i wanted but
she had perfect
long influencer nails always ready to tap
on the table and click click click on the
keys i envy her flawlessness the way
water falls from the kitchen sink in a
constant stream not spitting or splurting or turning brown and i think maybe if i could
just get some fake nails and glue them on
i’d be cured but the minute they come
off i am picking and peeling from left to right begging my nails to bend and break
just as they develop their own sense of security
so i wonder if i can get
hypnotized the way smokers do
and if so
if i will grow nails just like my mothers for
carrying dishes and pushing button
because i really can’t believe my fingers and
toes don’t ache the way my lungs do