Issue 11.1 Fall 2015

11.1 cover image

 

Artist Statement:

For my piece After my goals were to bring attention to sexual assault and how devastating it can be. It is something that can happen to anyone, even by a friend. It is difficult for survivors to cope, and I wanted to show how real and raw it could be. Sexual assault needs to be recognized more and I would like people to be understanding to those who have gone through it because it is something very real that happens every day. As for my work I try hard to put little unique details in my pieces that bring them to life. My goals for my writing are to ensure that the reader has a vivid experience while experiencing the moment.

 

After

 

Katie Morris

 

 

She didn’t look at the road while she drove home, she didn’t see anything. Her body wearily leaned against the seat, her arms and hands steered her in the right direction as she tried to erase what had happened. 
               

She got out of her car, not even acknowledging the bird poop that covered half of her windshield. She quickly walked past her dad who was tinkering on his beloved Corvette, greeted him, and walked into her house. She greeted her mom, telling her she was going to sleep. Her mom gave her a questioning look, she wasn’t supposed to be back from Portland yet.
               

She took the steps, seven exactly, to go upstairs. She walked to her room in an exact thirteen steps, threw down her duffle, and stripped. She pulled at the cardigan that her dad shrunk, and winced as it came off. She quickly stepped out of her dress, throwing it in the corner. Even though it was about ninety five degrees outside she carefully put on a sweatshirt and sweatpants, a perfect groufit.
               

She took thirteen steps back to the stairs, took the seven down, and took fifteen steps to the fridge in the kitchen. She took two small icepacks, and repeated the steps to go back upstairs.
               

She walked back to her bed, carefully untucking the pristine down comforter. She put the icepacks on her nightstand, slowly climbed into bed, and carefully arranged her comforter over herself. She pulled the tip to her chin, and laid there like a mummy.
               

Tears slowly started to well up in her eyes as she looked up at the ceiling fan. Her phone buzzed non-stop.
               

Her event was today. The one she had meticulously planned. The one that everyone would be at, wondering where their host was. She picked up her phone.

 

To: Matthew
9:54- Tell them I won’t be able to make it, emergency.

 

From: Matthew
9:57- Everything okay?

 

To: Matthew
9:57- No.

 

From: Trey
8:32- Where did you go?

 

From: John
10:02- Hey you coming today?

 

From: Matthew
10:03- What happened?

 

She put her phone down for a second, cringing as she grabbed the icepacks off her nightstand. She lifted her sweatshirt and put each one on her nipples, wincing at the pain.

 

To: Matthew
10:06- I think I am okay, just tell everyone I’m sick or something.

 

To: Trey
10:07- Is he still at your apartment? I need to talk to you. I had to leave.

 

To: John
10:09- No, I won’t actually be there. Sorry, really wanted to meet you officially.
               

She put her phone on the charger and thought about it. She got away, she lived. She was okay. Was she okay?
               

Yes.
               

No.
               

She thought she was. She picked up her phone again, Event in 4 hours.

 

From: Trey
10:15- He’s gone? What happened?
               

What did happen?

 

To: Trey

 

10:19- He wouldn’t leave me alone Trey. He wouldn’t leave me alone.

 

From: Trey
10:20- What did that son of a bitch do? What happened? When?

 

To: Trey
10:27- I’m okay. Just need to be alone all day. Please don’t tell anyone about this.

 

From: Trey
10:28- If he hurt you everyone needs to know, that’s not okay. I’m going to knock him out if he shows up today.

 

To: Trey
10:30- Don’t. It’s okay. I’m okay. Don’t talk to him. I’m not driving back to Portland, I just need time to myself. Don’t make a big deal out of this, I don’t want any more issues. Please. They’ll flip it on me again, say I had it coming.

 

From: Trey
10:31- Just come back we’ll protect you. No one is going to say that.
              

She threw her phone at the foot of her bed. She couldn’t go back, they would all notice. They would know something. People would talk. Better to not go and have no one hear about it.
               

Her phone buzzed for the remainder of the hour, and she took the icepacks off. Her mom knocked on the door.
               

“Come in.”
               

Her mom took three steps in and sat on her bed.
               

“Victoria, are you alright?”
               
She grinned at her mom and replied, “Yeah, the club tired me out last night. We got home at four, and everyone at Trey’s wanted to stay up. I just wanted to sleep, so I drove home.”
               

“Don’t you have your event today? And what’s with the icepacks?”
               

“Migraine. I thought about driving back to Portland, but I’m tired after not sleeping. Matthew will take care of it.”
               

Her mom leaned in for a hug, and she gave her a loose hug in return.
               

“Let me know if you need anything,” said her mom as she closed the door.
               

She sighed as she leaned back into her soft pillows. Did she have it coming? Was it her fault? She decided that she couldn’t tell anyone, not that anyone would need to know anyway. She would be okay.
               

She rolled onto her side, muscles aching. She curled up into a ball and fell asleep.
               

A few hours later she woke up to her phone buzzing and groaned. She rolled onto her other side and grabbed her phone, turning down the brightness.

 

From: John
11:56- Yeah I’m not going either now, message me if you wanna do something.

 

From: Matthew
11:59- Just let me know if you need anything, I’ll tell them you’re hungover.

 

From: Jake
12:12- Why did you have to leave? Are you going to the event later?

 

To: Jake
2:45- Don’t talk to me right now.

 

From: Brienne
12:42- Hey can’t wait to see you. I miss you!

 

From: Mike
12:56- Yo

 

From: Sarah
2:34- Last night was so much fun, glad I met you!

 

From: Jackie
2:44- Hey girl, you and Jake were super cute together last night ;)

 

From: Trey
2:44- Victoria, let me know if you need anything. Worried about you.

 

To: Trey
2:46- I don’t know what to do, he’s texting me like everything was fine. How could he have thought that was fine?
               

She threw her comforter off, swung her body off the bed, and took thirty-five steps back to the kitchen. No one was home. She walked to the patio door, locked it for good measure, and took five steps to the fridge. How could he think nothing was wrong?
               

She took her dad’s Taco Bell and marched four steps to the table, sitting down on the cushioned wooden chair. He was wrong. She was right. She ate two soft tacos, put the rest back in the fridge, and walked thirty five steps back to her bed.
               

She paused, looking at the icepacks. She took those back down to the kitchen, put them in the freezer, and walked to the bathroom instead. She looked in the mirror at herself, noticing the slight puffiness of her lips. She threw her sweatshirt off, and stared in the mirror.

 

Bruises coated her arms, her breasts, and her stomach. Her neck was fine of course. She would have to wear a t-shirt to the pool, or maybe not even go this week. Uncharacteristic, but do-able.

 

She turned the shower on, smiling because she never got to shower upstairs anymore. She used her dad’s manly minty body wash that burned her cuts, and her mom’s light lavender shampoo and conditioner that said “Stress Relieving.”

 

When she was finished she took eighteen steps to her room, closed the door, and wept. 

 

 

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