Brian Hillery is a bearded con-artist, who is tragically in love with his wife, Jessica Warning. She does not wear a beard, however is most certainly a con-artist of equal prowess.
I'm not so much short
as just not quite tall
and it used to piss me off
royally.
Now, however, upon realizing
that little dogs live, on average,
several dog years longer than
large dogs, I guess my own condition
could be worse.
Plus I've noticed that super hot,
super trampy actresses
all carry around small dogs
in their overpriced purses.
Which makes sense,
because when you think about it,
a large dog in a purse is rather unfeasible,
as well as just plain ridiculous.
Large dogs might accuse me
of simple rationalization.
"J'Accuse!" the French Briquet Hound would bark out
And then I would remind him
that he is a dog and,
albeit a large dog, he
cannot actually talk.
So the joke's on him,
because when the police finally arrive
and see my arm in the large dog's mouth
and listen to MY accusations
and receive only muffled, indiscernible barks emanating from
the large dog
(whose barks are muffled because my arm is still in there)
(and whose barks are indiscernible because the Cop doesn't speak dog)
I won't be the one who ends up in dog jail,
but instead
I'll have the last laugh indeed.
Ha! ha! ha!
I'll crow,
watching through a two-way mirror
as the condemned pooch gets led
down a bleak, rust-colored hallway.
"He's chased his last car," I'd quip,
to the inattentive dog jailer.
"Dead dog walking!" I'd shout out loud.
"Dead dog walking!"
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